Cash – Earn money the hard way. Steal it

I did not make that title up. That is the tagline for this movie. Apparently, the PR smart alec who had this assignment originally came up with “Write movie plots the easy way. Steal it”, but he was fired and the current tagline was cooked up.

Legend has it that this action blockbuster masterpiece was an untitled project till the makers showed it to the distributors. The distributors, mostly size 52 wearing Patels, asked the producer “Sir. Rights ke liye Credit Card lenge aap?”. The producer did not even let Mr Patel finish. He screamed “No….For this movie, we will only accept full Cash payment in advance”. That’s how this film got its name.

Bollywood has taken upon itself the solemn duty of introducing our masses to the high life. All of us discovered Switzerland, thanks to Govinda. We explored New Zealand thanks to Bobby Deol. We even spent weekends in England with Akshay Kumar. They also showed us car chases, designer suits and fashion sunglasses. The masses are starting to get tired of those. We need something more. Something different. So, instead of plain vanilla BMW sports cars chasing baddies, Cash gives us:

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Formula cars and race bikes chasing villians (who drive local BMWs and Cheri Mercs)

If you thought that wasn’t enough variety, they got more comin’ at ya baby.

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Luge. Need I say more?

Priya once pointed out that desi movies need to be a little more accurate on the software and technology front. She rightly admonishes them for the misuse of Windows Media Player as an FBI database and the overuse of Notepad as the Hero’s choice of app. Well, I can now confidently say that Bollywood has taken her hint and done its homework. In Cash, the software technology has moved up several notches.

The Evolution and Maturity of the Bollywood Operating System

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Bank Security software now clearly informs users that “Hacking System” is 25% complete. In case the cops arrive, one can also coolly use the “Cancel Request” button on the top right and walk out of the building. The security technology is also state of the art. As one can see (on the left), it is diffuse, ambient, specular and totally transparent.

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The software is also multilingual. It supports English (UK), English (US) and surprisingly Chatspeak as one sees above. In addition to multiple exclamation marks, the software also adds “OMG!!!!! LOL v hv crkd it…dats lk so kul!!!!!”.

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The alerts and notifications module of the Bollywood operating system, has, as one clearly sees, indeed undergone a Visual C change.

Bollywood has also taken a completely avant-garde approach to web design. Take for instance the website of the Department of South African Police Service. Apart from the fact that they hire fashion photographers to take snaps of their suspects (Dia Mirza), one can’t help overall notice that Bollywood has gone beyond the Notepad and WMP era.

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The Musical Evolution of Bollywood

Cash also introduces us viewers to musical instruments not seen in this part of the Milky Way before.

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And even challenges us to boldly imagine the possibilities of:

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The fashion evolution of Bollywood

Guess who makes clothes for the hero for Cash. Not the local Manish Malhotras and Ritu Beris and Rohit Bals.

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Thangacchi Armani Ammal wakes up at 5 am and uses her model 1939 Singer sewing machine to stitch Ajay’s clothes.

Review Summary

Cash is a brilliant action flick with oodles of style. The designer suits, the expensive cars, high speed water scooters and oh yes, high tech luges all make for compelling viewing. In fact, apart from the trivial points of questionable direction, non-existent plot, bland comedy and poor acting, I only found one major flaw with the movie. The final scene outside Leonardo Da Vinci international airpot at Rome.

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I know. I know. It was too tempting to avoid flying everybody business class, all the way from Cape Town (where the entire movie is set) to Rome, just for the final scene. What do desis know about what Rome’s airport looks like eh? I can only imagine the cost savings it would have made you. But hey Cash makers, Italy drives on the right hand side of the road and therefore uses Left Hand Drive cars. Thanks to Wikipedia, we know that.

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15 replies

  1. Clapclapcalapclapclap…..ouch!
    (wrists sprained, Sunday screwed, so let me complete the day in the same vein: watch Cash!)
    Bollywood must be using a Beta version of the next Windows OS (called Windows Igiveup), wherein any human being with congenital diseases called anencephaly (absence of cotton wool within the cranial cavity) can use the system, as it does not have any complicated symbols. From the movie it is apparent that every detail and secret is clearly spelt out, leaving no scope for pressing the Help icon. What’s that?

  2. Awesome post. I prefer them spending loads of money and making a poor quality movie than the usual unwatchable masala crap.

  3. Cash is not compelling viewing, your post is compelling reading! Thanks for enlightening us about how Bollywood is keeping up with the times…

  4. I wonder how much cash it will bring in ….

  5. I can’t stop laughing.

    “Sister of Armani has been making dress for me since morning”

    Oh how I long to say those words…

  6. If you are interested filmy type hacking, checkout this computer game.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uplink_(computer_game)

    Thats the closest you can get to the real thing.

  7. iyo, you saw the movie, eh? my sincere condolences!

    remember that joke that devgun tells diya mirza each time? husband and I didnt get the punchline till date.. i mean, we couldnt even hear it right!

    and it would’ve been better if the entire movie were animated instead of select stunt scenes.. sunil shetty acts better when he is a cartoon :-)

    the only movie more boring-er than this was the Harry Potter flick :-(

  8. Nice review :) Wanted to see the movie after watching a show about the making of it ( i think it was CNN-IBN). Seemed very stylish. Anyhoo. You have been tagged :) I know it’s a girly thing by let’s see what you like other than jalsa and jilpa

  9. LOL!!! Awesome revu!! I am so on for seeing 25% hacking completed!! Sigh… Even hacking tools have progress bars these days eh?! LOL!!! I want a desi version of Swordfish very soon now….

  10. LMAO!! Awesome Krish! Watched this movie recently but unfortunately couldnt read this post earlier! Sigh!
    For me the Ritesh deshmukh’s “Kabaddi, Kabbadi” method of stealing is the high point of the movie!
    And yeah it can’t get more user friendly hacking system.! Cash was one hilarious movie !!

  11. Karthik,
    Thank you. You are right. The Kabaddi moment was so surreal that it escaped my mind when I wrote the post. Loved you review too :)

  12. Cela m’est extrêmement précieux ! En tout cas, je vais revenir vous rendre visite très prochainement. A bientôt.

Trackbacks

  1. Pnjaabi on Voilen « Doing Jalsa and Showing Jilpa
  2. Review - Cash » without giving the movie away…

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