My official work is in the 2.0 world, which essentially means that all I do is recommend large fonts, shadows, strange spellings due to vowel removal, gradients and AJAXified slow loading pages to anyone and everyone who cares to listen. And oh, adding 2.0 at the end of all obsolete buzzwords makes them fresh like Ooty carrots, or so the jilpa goes.
A long time ago, when the dinosaurs roamed the earth and played with the Flintstones, I thought up a few alternative Soap Serial concepts. So it’s time to add the 2.0 suffix and join the bandwagon.
Kyunki SaaS bhi kabhi bahu thi
A dramatic picturization of the daring rise of Software as a Service, where hip youngsters Sales 4s and Amma Zon attempt to conquer the web, with the rallying cry “No Office. Wonly APIs“. The serial captures the futuristic vision of a completely servicified world. Cows have “Pay with Paypal” buttons genetically engineered onto them. Vending Machines provide mashup opportunities where people can mix Fanta with Goli Soda and a dash of Injimittai (Ginger sweet). E-Priests offer E-Archana services that can be consumed directly off the web. Devotees login, get a full-screen webcam view of the deity, listen to a soundtrack featuring Wom Ganapathaye Namaha remixed with the occasional Eppidi Irukkel Maami. The priest can also hit a button and remotely activate a USB powered faux deepaaraadhanai that will provide a 30 second flame for devotees to otthikofy (an elegant Tanglish word for cupping ones palms over a camphor powered flame and placing on face/forehead). If one is too busy, one’s Google calender can auto-invoke the archana APIs whenever special occasions and birthdays are due. (which are available on Orkut, of course)
But this bold march forward is not easy. Jealousies abound. Hostile takeovers are threatened. Denial of Service attacks are imminent. The foray of SaaS into the hallowed Tirupathi Tirumala temple is the tipping point. Will the bold plan of allowing devotees to login and choose from 400,000 deity-webcast options work? A $59.95 Kalyanotsavam or a $29.95 Brahmotsavam? Will allowing the user to navigate through a real 3D FPS game-type Vaikuntam Q-Complex simulation match the real thing? Will devotees be impressed with a 7.1 Surround soundtrack featuring Govinda Govinda remixed with Jargandi Jargandi ?
Watch (every day 2 pm, every evening on Youtube and every week TV rip on desi torrent) to find out.
Vlog (a.k.a V-Log, a.k.a We-Log, a.k.a Hum Log)
Imagine a world where webcams are everywhere. Where everybody’s life is streamed live, 24×7. Imagine an innocent village belle catching her Mora Payyan (Mangethar, Would-be) doing hanky-panky with somebody else on youtube. Imagine her locking herself up in the standard suicide room (One fan, One stool, One rope) and contemplating the worst. Imagine screaming relatives and friends banging on the door and urging her to reconsider. Imagine the would-be hearing about this from a relative who blogs live from his mobile phone while everybody tries to get the door open. Imagine him sending a Twitter message to live-blogging relative, urging him to squeeze a laptop through the window to the disconsolate girl.
Now imagine a dramatic scene where the boy does a live Skype video chat with the girl, promising to clean up his Orkut profile and his Youtube favourite videos.
Will she change her mind?
Watch (Every day 4 pm, every evening on Youtube and Joost, and every week TV rip on desi torrent)
Junoon (Tamil Dub) Redux
Decades ago, Doordarshan revolutionized one of the oldest languages in the world by introducing a new dialect – Junoon Tamil. Legend has it that Yoda (“Much Anger in you, I see”) was the dubbing consultant for this effort. But gone are the days when “Enge Pore Nee” (Where going, you are?) was the rage in town.
So relive the passion, the rage (because Keshav Kalsi had a smaller number of scraps on this Orkut profile than the main protagonist), the vengeance (starting a hate blog) and the drama (Debate on Slashdot) of Junoon, with an interesting twist. This version is entirely silent, with subtitles in Yoda-Junoon-like-Chatspeak. For e.g
LOL okay…er..a public indecent proposal, seem lyk, dat may. Luv Keshav Kalsi, dat 2 say, i ment! His wite soot, so kyoot is.
u hv, 2 blogroll, not aded me, I sens.
And so on.
Watch (Every day 6 pm, every evening on Youtube and Metacafe, and every week TV rip on desi torrent)
Categories: Auspicious Ganesha Squiggly