Kentucky Fried Creation

It is rather uncommon of me to spend more than a couple of days in any city I visit on work. There’s usually only enough time to grab a Baja Chalupa (beans instead of beef) at a Taco Bell for nostalgia purposes in between the time spent commuting to the Chennai airport, standing at the checkin counter and sweet talking the counter person into giving me a free upgrade, encountering annoyed Govt of India employees at Immigration, wading through a crowd of old Indian people who do not understand that their seat numbers are not between “30 and 45” which are boarding right now, spending 20 hours in seats designed for mid-sized rabbits, eating food that’s been microwaved to oblivion, dreaming of using silencing anti-vocal-cord rays on annoying Indian babies, opening the overhead luggage compartments and doing a Ranganathan St with fellow passengers in the aisles well before the pilot even shifts to landing gear, running ahead of everyone to get to the front of the Immigration line at JFK, switching on my American accent (which turns on like a tube light usually) and explaining that I’m here for “business discussions”, searching for my luggage, telling customs that I really do not have any cigarettes, “curry” or “pickles”, dropping my bags off at the Delta counter which is manned entirely by kiosks and uncommunicative bots, taking the JFK Airtrain to Terminal 3 to find 1 Delta employee and 400 kiosks attempting to deal with 800 passengers all of whom have a flight to catch in the next 10 minutes, stripping down bare for the TSA security guys (and also peeling off my epidermis just to be on the safe side) and finally reaching Cincinnati, a place I seem to travel to more often than Sholinganallur or Siruseri.

Cincinnati is a large city with levels of urban excitement that slightly exceed that of a doped bear in hibernation. So when I found myself staring at a 2 week long stay, I was worried about what I would do in my leisure time. That was when my colleague Harish, who, by the way, coined the term amit_123, pointed out that the Creation Museum was just a few miles from downtown Cincinnati, my religious (and blogging) instincts fired up and we found ourselves at 2800, Bullitsburg Church road, Petersburg, Kentucky on a Sunday afternoon. Kentucky is filled with places that end in “burg” and for some reason it reminded me of whiskey and hooded white men wielding torches that burned crosses, so we decided to play it safe. I became Christopher (“Chris”) Asher and my friend, Harish Ravindran became (as a result of his undying fanboyism) Harris Jeyaraj. I even told him that he could explain his last name to evangelical Christians as “Victory of the Kingdom of God” or something to that effect.

For the uninitiated, the Creation Museum is a 21 million USD attempt to prove Darwin, Science and General Common Sense wrong. It is a museum dedicated to proving that the Bible was literally right and that the universe was created in 4004 BC. Nice vanity year no? Palindromic too. Like custom registration plates for one’s car. Not 4372 BC or 4197 BC. I’m sure God’s plates must read “D00D” or something

But my fear of shotgun-wielding redneck evangelical Xenophobic christians turned out to be entirely misplaced. Bad science apart, the place was thoroughly pleasant. Our carefully crafted Christian avatars were about as useful as a comb would be to Patrick Stewart.

I am always disappointed when my precisely nurtured stereotypes fail to come true.

Long lines! Most people in the queue did not strike me as fundamentalist nutjobs out to destroy the Western intellectual tradition. They struck me as tourists who thought it might be a decent idea to take their kids to a museum that advertised dinosaurs.

Now, lifetime members are a different species altogether. They pay $495 and are people who seriously believe that (barring the engineering that built the museum itself) science is generally bad and that (a specific English version of ) the Bible is literally true. But then I have met VHP-RSS type uncles in Chennai who believe that India had the Pushpaka Vimaana thousands of years before the Wright brothers. And people drop jewellery into the Hundi at Tirupati, so to each his own I guess.

This is what one sees right before one walks into the first exhibit (the Grand Canyon). Man, coolly going about his work while a dinosaur greedily inspects um..leaves. Confused? Don’t worry. Have Faith. Things will become clear soon

There you go. Clearly Wyoming Tyranoswareshwara Iyer was, before he was corrupted by the West and the temptations of McD and Taco Bell, pure high-class vegetarian. But given reptiles’ general bad breath, I am assuming garlic and onion were OK. Perhaps they were Doubting Tamasiks

A little further in, I found this, and if you have any common sense at all, it will now be crystal clear. If God wanted you to eat thorny thick-skinned pineapples, he would have given you flesh tearing teeth too. It’s called Intelligent Design, you canines of the feminine kind

I must say that this line of reasoning is wickedly brilliant and it’s all over the museum. Compare complex and hard-to-understand scientific reasoning with the powerfully simple “God created it” and it’s really like giving a small kid a choice between “Vitamin enriched protein augmented Spirulina fortified Ginseng extract” and “Chocolate ice-cream”

Yet another application of this beautiful trick. What are you gonna believe? Some terribly complicated explanation involving genes and evolution OR the “Vadivel Theory of the Origin of Man” – Why flood? Same Flood.

There was so much irony in this poster that it could very well become a shrine for anaemic patients. It’s one of Hubble Space Telescope’s legendary photographs and it’s being used here to prove the Biblical view that the “firmament” was created in 4004 BC. Yes, Hubble (of the expanding universe fame) Space (which is billions of light years across) Telescope (made from glass -> sand that is billions of years old).

After the Grand Canyon exhibit, I ran into this. Clearly, the family is breaking apart in the modern irreligious world primarily because in the past, women were expected to simply STFU and listen. As @cgawker points out, if there’s one thing all religions agree on, it’s that women should be given a hard time

In keeping with tradition, here’s a teenage Eve tempting a teenage Adam to visit the next exhibit

The next exhibit turned out to be the Garden of Eden. And as you can clearly see, Adam is Kabir Bedi and Eve has dual-purpose long hair. I looked around for an “A” certificate and a “Directed by Jag Mundhra” tag, but could not find it


A little further into Eden, I caught these 2 Miohippi in a compromising position. After a careful gender inspection of both of these proto-horses, I can confidently declare that this was the first Biblical lesbian couple. Perhaps only human same-sex relationships are disallowed

Ah well.

Once in a while, the museum tests you to see if you got a hang of their essential message. On lifting the knob:

Duh. Of course no. There you go. Simple, is it not?

Suddenly, Harish pointed it out, and it all became clear to me.

The Four Prophets of Peterology. They made stuff up in the past. I make stuff up now.

And finally, I saw this and it struck me that pretty much every thing in the world can be explained by these 7 steps. Let’s take this modern day example. Adam “creates” a fight with his girlfriend. His mind is “corrupted” with all manner of doubts. It becomes a “catastrophe” when she walks out. He is then “confused”. He says “Jesus Christ, what do I do now”. He calls her and she is still “cross” with him. He apologizes and they make up, and then they make out, thus leading to “consummation”.

So hahaha, LOL and all that at all these creationist duffers etc. But then, the only difference between a 21 million dollar Creation Museum in Petersburg, KY and people who consult astrologers is budget. It’s easier to laugh at dinosaurs eating pineapples than it is to smirk at someone breaking coconuts for Lord Ganesha. One’s own way of life is always superior no? “Our” philosophy was more advanced than this sort of simplistic nonsense no?

It was interesting that I did not find the sort of people Richard Dawkins always seems to find when he goes about pwning creationists. I just found regular folk who didn’t particularly care much about the complexities of the origin of life, the universe and everything else, not even two score and two times. To them one explanation is as good as the other and while we can bemoan this collective failure of rational thinking, there isn’t much one can do except build a better real science museum right next to this one. Even then, I’ll still visit this place to feed the alpacas


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Categories: Auspicious Ganesha Squiggly

197 replies

  1. After a longtime your updates… LOL on the Horse proto-types and your examination, the scroll n Ipad lastly “God way of saying”.

  2. I almost stopped at ‘Wyoming Tyranoswareshwara Iyer’ for 10 minutes..to laugh..and then get back at the post!

    You made my afternoon..superb post!

  3. HAHAHA..”DooD”, “Wyoming Tyranoswareshwara Iyer”, “asp”..

    Too many ROFL stuff..Thala is back and how! *Bows*

  4. i have laughed so hard that now i am crying and my spouse has hidden the knives.
    the best of the best : adams – kabir bedi, the lesbian animals (how did they allow it, shouldn’t you have written a note to them on it) and Wyoming Tyranoswareshwara Iyer and the asp.

    didn’t get what they conveyed thru hubble.

  5. Forgive me if I have sinned, Father, but the “before Adam’s sin” card appears to be shilling for the Catholic church. It specifies that children must play with aspholes and put their hands on ‘vipers’. Such thinly veiled innuendo.

  6. ROTFL @ “Victory of the Kingdom of God”, Horse proto-types, Wyoming Tyranoswareshwara Iyer and many others..

    An Agmark (Chris) Ashok Blog!!

    Ganesh

  7. God’s Plates, Tyrannosaurus Iyer. What do I say?

    You are the DooD.

  8. haha! awesome…and doop is more palindromic than DooD dont you think? God’s number plates reading doop(u)!

  9. Lolz.. Why Flood? Same Flood was totally awesomatic

  10. “The creation of the corruption is the catastrophical confusion of Christ’s cross examination leading to consummation. Rajendar 1:1″

    Brilliant, I say!

  11. “Why flood? Same Flood” _ Hilarious.

  12. “Vadivel Theory of the Origin of Man” – Why flood? Same Flood. You’re too good!!

  13. Kicha — Landed on this blog through a twitter link. Glad I did. Fantastic riffs throughout. Vayiru valikkudhu sirichi sirichi.

    -Subash

  14. “There was so much irony in this poster that it could very well become a shrine for anaemic patients.”
    :D

    Return to maddoxical epicness!

  15. I think the long lines were made of people who wanted to have a good laugh :)

  16. Late aa Vandhalum Latest aa Vandhinga ponga… After a good long hiatus, nothing is seemingly lost. You’ve still shown the Midas Touch. Laughter Galore.!!

  17. Who would stereotyped stereotypes mislead if it weren’t for us stereotyping stereotypes?

    g

    PS: “So are those pics from what they call an SLR camera?” :-|
    Ashok: Haha. No. They are mostly from my HTC Hero phone :) They are not from a “Supine Lying & Rolling” camera

  18. Umm..what are you talking about? I could clearly see Adam is Krishashok.

  19. Wow! Krish!!! After a long time!!! Hey I will come to office and read the rest of the entry. :)

  20. Doubting Tamasiks!!!! LOL!

  21. Nice one sir. I mailed this link to Jeba.

  22. “There was so much irony in this poster that it could very well become a shrine for anaemic patients.”

    I read the line a couple of times before it hit me…and how!!! You should patent it!! Absolute genius!

    Superb post…

  23. Why flood? Same Flood. – Excellent, I say!

  24. You will BURN IN HELL for this Chris Asher. BURN.

    Cant you see the resemblance? YOU have evolved from those very Kabir Bedi clones and those Three Prophets of Peterology. ( Does Hrithik Roshan also fit in somewhere? )

    Believe you non Believer. BELIEVE. You have added the 8th C. Chaos. That is what will prevail after the Pope reads your post.

    Lurved it.

  25. Good for you the alpacas did not confuse you beard for Captain Haddock’s and start chomping on it.. or spitting water on your face!

  26. Please!! Go ahead and download this movie called Religulous. Its the only thing I could think of when I read your post. It was banned in most countries. You won’t regret watching this one, trust me! :)
    Ashok: I’ve seen that documentary :)

  27. Another brilliant post! Krish Ashok takes on the world again! Were the alpacas there as examples of land animals that were created on the 6th day? I am surprised that God did not lower His blessed almighty hand from Heaven and thrash you for your smug insights on the Creation Museum! Repent, repent, Unbeliever! Succumb not to the devious machinations of the scientific community!

  28. I think Dawkins attracts people that he does soleley because he’s always on the look-out for them. People probably think you are the Sonu Nigam and are too intimidated/tongue-tied to come up to you.

  29. Almost got me fired for not unlaughing for half hour.. Thanks !!

  30. Hilarious as always – but also got me thinking, how – or why – would a place like this exist, make money?
    Is it because it offers comfort – it says, “Don’t worry if you don’t understand evolution, genetics, paleontology, or the history, structure and growth of the universe. I’m telling you something that’s easy to understand and that you can go home with, feeling happy and peaceful that the world makes sense again.”
    The answer might be wrong, but if it brings you that comfort…
    …and so began religion.

    Apart from that – the line-up had me in tears. You need a robe and staff for your next workshop. :)

  31. Awesome post Ashok as always ,

    I died of laughing especially on the peterology still; and gods way of sayin not to use .net were epic

    This post made my day ; going into my archives Titled (To read on dull day,, )

    cheers mate

  32. Hilarious as usual. Loved the Iyer dinos and the iPad bit as well.
    Did you notice how eve has her hand out towards adam in a “hand me your credit cards” kind of way?

  33. It was hilarious. But I love you for the below paragraph. You deep man.

    “So hahaha, LOL and all that at all these creationist duffers etc. But then, the only difference between a 21 million dollar Creation Museum in Petersburg, KY and people who consult astrologers is budget. It’s easier to laugh at dinosaurs eating pineapples than it is to smirk at someone breaking coconuts for Lord Ganesha. One’s own way of life is always superior no? “Our” philosophy was more advanced than this sort of simplistic nonsense no?”

  34. Awesome post…..Hilarious (the height with the pineapple-eating dinosaur)

    “Cincinnati is a large city with levels of urban excitement that slightly exceed that of a doped bear in hibernation.”

    This is a museum for the doped (I mean the religious lot).

  35. :) – the fact that the “tablet” came before harp seems to like what Steve Jobs said (that the iPad/tablet was conceptualized way before they decided to make a phone out of it).

    So you were bored in Cincinnati and decided to have find excitement in Kentucky? Really ;-) ?

    Arun

  36. See Monty Python’s “Life of Brian”.An excellent spoof on religion and christianity in particular.

  37. When i first saw the pic with the 3 guys added ashok and after reading the line “Suddenly, Harish pointed it out, and it all became clear to me.” (without the seeing second pic ofcourse), i thought the next line would say, spot the difference between ashok and the man sitting in the chair !! :D… hmmm history repeats! :D

  38. Considering all the Peterology, it’s only appropriate that the museum is in Petersburg!

  39. Sooper post, as usual.

    Now I realize why Adam and Eve were fighing over the Apple….the dinosaurs were eating up all the pineapples :]

    Wonder if KA was posing knowingly so that his reflection in the 7C photo is alongside ‘Catastrophe’.

    Surely if this museum was in India, they’d have banned photography…or at least charged 100 bucks for a ‘camera entry fee’

  40. Lived in Ohio for 5 years, never knew about this museum! Quite funny!

    By the way, was surprised to see this article today on the same subject!

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20100819/sc_livescience/creationmuseumcreatesdiscomfortforsomevisitors

    Whaatttaaay coincidence?!!! I was wondering if your blog led to this news article!

  41. LOL! Good post.
    No wonder the Dinosaurs ate Pineapples. God made them Vegetarians, so in frustration they ate the fruit with pines and needles in all.

    What about the Oil that BP spilled? Was that also made in 4004 B.C.? Probably that was the laxative for the Dinosaurs who ate too much Pineapples! With all that oil inside them, no wonder the dragons of yore breathed fire!

    Your post has made my imagination ramble.

    Finally you decide to post after some gap and prove the adage
    latea vanthalum latest varuvaar

  42. To assume science is close to leading us to answers to fundamental questions is also fallacious. Not that I am accusing you of it.

    Fun post.

  43. Wyoming Tyranoswareshwara Iyer would get along really well with Basavanagudi Tyrannical Iyengar ! I’d forgive her for not letting me worship Ganesha, but not for embargoing garlic and onions (eating Jain/TamBrahm pavbhaji is no fun you know!)

    • Same here, being French ( nautorious onions and garlics eaters according to the Brits)
      I had a good laugh thinking the dynosaurs might have been corrupted by the West actually long before they started eating meat ; )

  44. Prophets of Peterology = ultimate:D

  45. amazingly funny discourse with a subtle message in the end – loved it :)

  46. ha ha. Actually I did my masters in kentucky wonly. And your explanation about the travel part reminded me of when I mailed you sometime back and you said you were indeed travelling to SF on that ABOMINABLE emirates flight.

  47. Wonder what the Pope will have to say about this! Great post (duh!)
    “Birds on the 5th day and animals on the 6th” So, technically, we’re all offspring of the Chinese then ‘cuz it was already the last day in China when He created man (and his oh-so-lovely woman!)
    oh wait … Did anyone say that the world was ‘kinda’ flat back then :P

    PS: Yeah yeah, I know it should not be China but ‘Republic of Kiribati’ (or New Zealand?) but being ‘Chinese offspring’ just adds extra effects to it :P

  48. It’s gonna be on my Evernote on the Mac & iPad forever!

  49. Chris I say! Woh Chris. …wot is this world coming to I say?

    USD 21 Million??!!!!!!!!!!- and I *still* have a few far off , VEYR distant relatives who buy into this Fentacky Fried B********

    Zuper post I say

  50. The first paragraph was just beyond good…Nice come back after a break KA..Keep them posts coming…

  51. Ah, we finally get to see a moving, talking (well, laughing) version of the Great Gilpa himself. :)

  52. Also, why is every comment beginning with the one by “bach ” being italicised? Like everyone suddenly decided to say significant things.
    Ashok: Unclosed em tag :) Fixed now

  53. Too many trips are planned well marked by booking online, without enough research on hotels and passengers after being in a faraway place as the technical thought of the city you are visiting is completely inaccessible. Business travelers do not miss the afternoon meeting and conference and exhibitions, because they are trapped in traffic jams at rush hour.

  54. #brilliant! And finally I understand the spontaneous generation of flesh-tearing canine teeth from the flat grass chewing molars T-Rex originally had.

  55. Four Prohpets of Peterology, Vadivel’s theory and 7 steps LOL :) and your message at the end was good.

    Kanna “Chrish” latestaa vanndalu latestaa varuvaa”.(i pad , lol :)) (not really good at my mother tongue :P )

  56. Marana kalaai kalanjitu, last two line touch panniteengaleee!
    Thalaivaa I had tears after reading the last two lines!! Enna pinishu enna pinishu!
    Very good post.

  57. A little off topic:
    If Adam and Eve had been Chinese, there would have been no banishment from Eden. They would have sold the apple and eaten the snake.

    Disclaimer: It’s not a politically incorrect remark for me to make simply because I am of Chinese ethnicity.

  58. Funny as usual but don’t overdo the religion/iyer bashing. Else you will get slotted

    Greatbong – Used to write funny reviews but nowadays shags about Mithunda-Gunda in every post,including his book
    Sidin – Mallu/Sreesanth humour which is very repetitive
    KA – An iyer whose early iyer jokes were very funny but his continuous tirade makes one doubt if he is into huge self-loathing.
    Bosey – The God
    Point taken, although statistically speaking, taking potshots at religion/superstition/tambramness is only about 15% of my overall blogging output. I suppose that to people who dont like that theme beyond a point, every additional post tends to grate a bit

    • Well I guess you know Sidhu’s comment on stats! The last 3-4 posts do have the religion bashing in some format or the other.Your last line is defensive,but yeah I belong to the same club. The potshots were really funny in your early days(2k7-2k8) but it is getting repetitive.You have many diverse things to offer on your platter dude! Btw, where is Gregory-II ?:P

  59. I read ‘consumption’ instead of ‘consummation’ as the 7th ‘c’ in God’s Plan of the 7 Cs.

    I met a dark-skinned Mexican man who spoke perfect Russian. I asked him how it was that he spoke Russian. He said, “because I went to study in Kentucky in the 1960s.” Turns out, after 2 weeks in Kentucky, he packed up and went to the USSR to study. Just couldn’t hack the rascism of the place at the time.

  60. considering everything that can be said about this post has already been said or will be said, I will continue laughing and not bother thinking about what to comment…hmm..wait I thought about that.

  61. How I missed your posts ! … Don’t leave us the the dark that long next time ; )

    lol.
    I mean it is as lightly as you did, good fun without really bashing . Just sincerely impressed by this kind of stuff when I see it happens now. I mean . For real . People say that now. As in Nowadays : )

    I think you’d appreciate to watch Varudu, a Telugu movie released this year.
    It’s not about creationism, but Scientific Tradition in Matter of Mariage.
    It’s s a kind of animated, more or less scenarized, museum devoted to this science, how it works and all that.
    ( I thought of disneyland while watching it tbh )
    stressing among other things the importance and power of cumin Seeds, Butter and Ancesters on the same level in the purity and truth of Marital Love .

    Watched in a few days ago and I was extremly impressed, even tho it was only entertainment, as in wasn’t meant to be educational or scientific material .

    Your post just reminded me. (And mentioning it reminds me of your post about your own mariage as well which was hilarious. )

    And big thank you for the women STFU , I always appreciate sooo much the way you word your hints on the roles reserved to us poor females : )

  62. Why flood was awesome..so was the whole post..hilarious

  63. ROFL. I have been following your blog for quite some time now, but have never commented. This post was worth the long wait.

  64. Delightful post…. loved the explanation of exhibits :-)

  65. Very informative post. Agree with you totally about exciting possibilities life offers for people living in places like Cincinnati. I have passed through several villages in rural US of A and found in some places, greater number of churches ( all pretty similar in size and seriously lacking in variety) than cafés. Never occurred to me to peep into the creation museum though. In India we could have a similar one based on “dasaavatharam” episodes-I am sure it will be the most visited museum in india since there is really no serious competition in terms of an alternative except if you wanted to see the ‘ rashtriya sangrahaalay” and other mansions with such imposing titles-inside you will get to see dust from Kanishka’s time.

  66. Thalaiva,

    But why fake name before entering the museum? any rules

    is Asher ,a wordplay on ‘usher’ ,or does it have a dan brownish reference to the aher tribe of israel..
    Ashok: Chumma just like that wanted to play it safe in Shotgunistan, but it wasn’t required. Everybody was thoroughly pleasant

  67. I’m still waiting for the Spaghetti Monster Natural history Museum to be opened. That ought to settle the issue once and for all.

  68. “you canines of the feminine kind”! Everything’s hilarious, especially the faux-Biblical captions… the style was so believable I had to look up the numbers to see if they were variations on real lines from the Bible. :-)
    Ashok: Hahaha :) The numbers are l33t5p34k .10:1 is LOL. 4:55 is ASS. 700:15 is FOOLS or TOOLS. 84:115 is BALLS and so on

  69. Brilliant. Here’s the link to another brilliant article on the Creation Museum:
    http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2010/02/creation-museum-201002

    Kamini.

  70. Tyranoswareshwara Iyer…. Ultimate pun!
    Looks like Dawkins and Hitchens were right after all. These believers will corrode common sense in the years to come and we’ll be left behind for the Rapture. Unless you become Christopher Asher and I become Nick . :-)

  71. Awesome.. Need to show this blog to my catholic and baptist colleagues to see their reaction.. lol.. Are you still in Cincinnati? I could have met you, I live close to fountain square…

  72. Oh my goodness, this really made me laugh!!! I particularly loved the ‘No, you dummy! God made birds on day 5 and land animals on day 6 display’. Great post!

  73. Google’s ad recommendation to your post was pretty ironical :

    “I receive Jesus as my saviour” —> “Yes, I want to be saved”

    When I saw that image, my first reaction was that you have had too much time on your new ipad…. you and the jesus christ I see on that image bear suspicious resemblence :P

  74. Learned one more thing – the reason God gave shorter hair to men was because their hair have to serve only one of the two purposes! ;)

    Totally loved the post!

  75. “It’s one of Hubble Space Telescope’s legendary photographs and it’s being used here to prove the Biblical view that the “firmament” was created in 4004 BC.”

    Heres my theory (I guess its a free for all, ain’t it?!): They first had the date at 404 BC, but then the “D00D” realized that it would lead to “(Year) Not Found” error. So, there you go, even the internet evolved in its present form from the “D00D”‘s in/fore-sight !

    I guess its time to replace “ROFLMAO” by simply a “KA” moment !

  76. Also please be noticing the similarity of the dhaadi-ed man from the old testament (pic #16, i think) to this (http://www.biggerboat.net/wp-content/uploads/saruman3.jpg)
    Tolkien had a different story for that one…
    well, i guess ‘scroll holder’ works too, though ‘evil wizard’ sounds waaay cooler.. but whate’er.

  77. I didn get u in the first pic with ipad…you seem to have blended with the rest of the gang :) Great blog after a long while

  78. Oh come on, be fair to the coconut-smashing crowd, at least they are not pushing for rewriting high school physics books to include coconut-smashing as Newton’s Zero’th Law!!

  79. Thanks for this delightful virtual visit to the Creation Museum. Now I won’t have to go next time I’m in the south, and as you say it’s way easier to explain things like this than having to really think for god’s sake. Kudos!

  80. This post is mentioned @ the Pharyngula… prepare for the wave!

  81. Unfortunately, I have to live next door to these loons and deal with the subscribers on a daily basis. I can’t believe anyone can be this intentionally stupid. And proud of it.

    • I have met folks in India who believe in reincarnation (there’s millions, by the way) and unless one had a spectacularly talented science teacher all through school, I really don’t see this as intentional stupidity. It is, in fact, very unintentional. We can, it turns out, believe in the most unlikely things :) Calling it stupid only makes people close their doors and continue to pray harder :)

  82. I’m part of the wave…except we generally refer to ourselves as the HordeTM.

    Excellent piece. Funny as hell, and thoughtful too. And you covered some things I hadn’t seen in the dozens of other blog posts and articles I’ve read about that “museum”.

  83. Dood, that was the funniest blog post I’ve read in long time…..

  84. Good thing absurd evolution has absurd religious notions to make absurd evolution look smart and scientific. The truth is, no one kn0ws the answers to what these two absurd groups think they know. It sure is fun watching the absurd battle rage on.

    • The internet is custom designed for absurd battles. It is, in fact, its most redeeming factor

    • you forgot to make sense.

    • stevebee92653, I’ve seen your site and your videos. You surely do not know the answers, nor does this museum. Science is the careful search for answers and truth, religion is faith that the answers were already given and were truthful. Your smug condescension cannot cover up the vacuity of your frantic flailing. Give it up, man. Get an education and get some humble.

      • I admit I absolutely don’t have the answers. THAT is humble. If you REALLY saw my site, you would know that. Religion doesn’t. This fake science doesn’t. You don’t either. You have been fooled into thinking you do. Just like the religious. No diff. Realize it man.

        • I really saw your site, and I really watched your vids, and I see that you accuse everyone of having put no thought into anything they say that disagrees with you. You put down all the efforts of everyone in the world, but you offer no way to find truth. All you do is sneer and snarl.

          How, then, oh great one, shall we discover truth? What do you suggest? Religious folks assume that a god made us and gave us guides to live by. Scientists assume that a careful study of the world, checked and backed up by experiments, peer-review and conferring, can work out the truth to a close approximation. What else shall we do, then? Shall we watch your videos and get scoffed at for daring to interact with you?

          What do you propose we do? You have told us we are all wrong. Now guide us forward. If you know that we are all wrong, you must know where and what is wrong. Lead us into the future, oh great one. Tell us what we must do.

          How do we find answers?

          How do we find truth?

          Science has failed us, according to you.

          Faith has failed us, according to you.

          What else is there?

          What must we do?

          • The great one speaks: “We must be honest and admit that natural selection and random mutations cannot invent design and assemble complex biological systems. And no lab test or anything else you low evo believers can think up will show that it can. You have failed yourselves for being so goddam gullible” The great one has spoken.

  85. *That* was a good read! Thank you for it.

  86. DooD. Did you get to ride on the dinosaur?

  87. I am so glad to have found this!

  88. Like everyone else, I laughed until there were tears.

    Hope you saw the Cincinnati Symphony while you were in town!! They are an absolutely incredible group and they play in a beautiful hall.

  89. If the Bible says land animals ate herbs, what did sea animals eat? What did sharks eat, kelp?

  90. Did you “Photoshop” that seven words thing? Surely the last one was not “Consummation” but “Constipation”.

  91. Brilliant.

    Super jilpa.

  92. Thanks, that was fun and spares me a real visit. It’s now apparent that I can’t walk round that place without tying my jaw up with a sling first.

  93. That was brilliant.
    I swear I laughed until I had stitches :)
    And thanks too for the details of what lay within the museum. I was always curious but its all sorted now!

  94. Bloody brilliant mate! I’ll have to come back to read more of your blog posts (even though I don’t get the Indian jokes (at least, I assume they’re jokes)).

    -mark.

  95. “To them one explanation is as good as the other”

    I find that to be the main problem with Americans, the belief that everything is just a point of view, an opinion, or a belief, no such thing as provable facts, with people just choosing which authorities they want to believe. Most of them really don’t understand inductive reasoning, deductive reasoning, or basic research and seem to find threatening anything that challenges their “everything is just an opinion” stance. Though there are some who are adamant about their religious beliefs, many, many Americans don’t like anyone who claims with certainty that they know what the truth is or what the facts about a certain thing are.

  96. “It’s easier to laugh at dinosaurs eating pineapples than it is to smirk at someone breaking coconuts for Lord Ganesha.

    So true, regardless of what cultures you substitute for those two examples! I’ll be using that.

    And, “Dood”! I’ll never see a vanity plate without laughing again.

  97. Wonderful write-up, thank you. A bunch of us visited the local “Noah’s Ark Farm” and encountered much the same things but the staff appeared to be afraid of us since they kept hiding and running away when we approached.

  98. Interesting that some who makes fun of creation actually believes he is related to some filthy stinking ape that has no soul. I guess that waht the religion of darwinism has taught the world. I guess it’s only fair that atheists/socialists/commie nut hippies all make fun of the creation museum. We do the same thing with their “science”/political museums. We make fun of their outlandish dates for things. Example: “Back in 200 trillion BC, Abe lincoln conquered protoplasm and became the first organism to swim out of an ocean grow legs, throw pineapples at unsuspecting monkeys of who, he was related and ultimately destroy the earth with that evil capitalism stuff. I love evolution.

    All these so called “scientists” who make better liars and whores and beggars than politicans always make up some type of outlandish date of when something existed. The only reason they make up these dates is to correspond to their religion of darwinism and that all men were evolved equal. Right? Yep. That’s waht the declaration says. If it were up to nuts like darwinists, it would read:

    “When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s EVOLUTION entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

    We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are EVOLVED BY ACCIDENT equal, that they are endowed by NOTHING with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

    Evolution is just another crock from satan. it’s teaching should be abolished. Oh well. it will be one day when Christ returns to rule supreme.

    • Hahaha, very well written! You perfectly captured the absolute lunacy of the religious nutjobs, and their astonishing ignorance. It almost makes me feel sorry for them!

    • Pilty, you’re foaming at the mouth. Are you off your meds again? Religion is a drug for people who can’t face reality. Science is not about stories; religion is all stories. Science is about what you can test and not disprove. Three hundred years ago European scientists started with the assumption that the Bible was true and that the biblical flood was a real event. It took about 100 years of gathering evidence to prove that one single flood could not be the explanation and that glaciers had caused many of the features formerly ascribed to a giant flood and to correlate geographical features into a coherent timeline. It took about two hundred years, from the 1600s to the 1800s, to demonstrate that animal species had died out or changed over time. Darwin’s and Wallace’s brilliant suggestion as to how that happened, in general, was rapidly accepted. As Darwin pointed out, if cave critters had been specially designed for caves, you’d expect to find the same perfect cave critters everywhere. Instead, cave critters in each ecosystem are modified versions of the organisms that live above the ground in that area, just as if they had descended from something that fell or wandered into the cave.

      However, at that time genes and chromosomes were unknown. Neither Darwin nor his colleagues knew how a special trait could be passed on and not blended back in to the average. About that time, Gregor Mendel, breeding peas for years and recording the results, worked out the math of simple dominant inheritance with one gene or two genes; but he published in an obscure Austrian journal. His work did not reach the larger scientific community until almost one hundred years later. After the genetic theory was added to the theories of natural and sexual selection in the 1930s, the theory of evolution became robust.

      Quite a bit of mathematical analysis and prediction, by R.A. Fisher and others, made testable cases for evolution, and evolution passed them. There was still a mystery of what carried genetic information. In the late 1930s, it was settled that DNA was the key to genetics. We have been able to trace the evolution and ancestry of individual genes and chromosomes. For example, chimpanzees have one more chromosome than we do: but one of our chromosomes matches up with two of theirs; and there’s even an extra centromere in our chromosome, vestige of its former existence as a separate chromosome. Molecular evolution was developed in the 1960s; that’s where we trace the changes in a single important molocule through various species, noting the changes along the way. It’s the equivalent of literary research, where a single change in a manuscript of the Bible, e.g. the change from “young woman” to “virgin,” is used to track what further manuscripts were made from the original error.

      The “family trees” made from comparing organisms agree with the evidence of fossils. Hypotheses about the environments and conditions where significant evolution might have occurred suggest places for scientists to look for fossils. That’s how the famous Tiktaalik transitional fossil was found in the sediments of Devonian freshwater swamps. And new discoveries occur all the time. Surely you know of the complete set of transitional mammals from a hoofed land-dweller to a swimmer to whales, discovered in the 1990s.

      Evolution has been observed in the laboratory with the development of completely novel traits in bacteria. It has been observed in the wild with a new species of flower developing in the U.S. Northeast. It has been observed in the development of a new species of mosquito that inhabits the London subway system.

      It only strengthens the case for evolution when the family trees drawn by research into molecular evolution match those drawn on the basis of physiology and fossils.

      Then look into ERVs: endogenous retroviruses. Viruses can and do read themselves into our genes. Those, too, are inherited and can also be traced in family trees.

      It’s all about the facts. Facts trump fairy stories and ascribing good coincidences to God’s love and bad coincidences to God’s mysterious ways. Now, please, go mumble your magic words somewhere else.

      • I think his chosen screen handle was actually a subtle hint, indicating how serious we should take this person’s post. He obviously regards himself as a hoax or a mistake.

  99. Hi Krish,

    Your post just got “Pharyngulated”. :-)

  100. Also, I think that “pineapple” is actually meant to be a cycadeoid; it looks like one anyway. They were abundant during the Mesozoic and you see them depicted a lot in older Mesozoic landscape illustrations, especially for the Jurassic.

  101. “…throw pineapples at unsuspecting monkeys…”

    Makes more sense than velociraptors using their razor-sharp teeth to crack into those pineapples. Jackass.

    Piltdown is a total chode.

  102. Unreasonably funny, how is the rest of the internets supposed to compete!?

  103. Thanks for making my morning!

  104. I love the “Creation Orchard” diagram. It looks like it was designed specifically to mock creationists!

  105. interesting. In germany we don’t have such funny museums (yet).

    I agree, Eve is hot. Adam must have f***ed her all day long. What else could he have done, when masturbation is a sin?

    • Some Swiss company which wants creation museums all over the place proposed building one in southern Germany. The never got the project funded, and the local politicians said it would have been an embarrassment to the scientific and economic standing of the state.

  106. Haha, really funny. I found your blog from Pharyngula.

  107. Birds before animals…another great Creationist moment. Of course, it’s all measured in literal days – as in sunset & sunrise – but the Sun wasn’t created until day 4… doh!

  108. hi KA, loved the 4 prophets of PEterology..
    -sri

  109. These people really put the “blind” in “blind faith”. I feel sorry for them.

  110. can I just say, I followed Roger Ebert’s link to your blog, and I got as far as “I’m sure God’s plates must read “D00D” or something” before I decided I like you forever.

  111. “…the Delta counter which is manned entirely by kiosks…” : lol

  112. I followed Roger Ebert’s Twitter link to your post.

    This is too funny! I loved your writing. I did not get the, I assumed, Indian jokes and religious references. But apart from that, I happily waded through and I so much enjoyed reading this post. I am a Christian (not the scary kind) and a scientist. (n.b. But not a Christian Scientist!) And I am baffled (understatement) by the existence of this museum.

    I loved the bit about the stereotypes (I’ve been proven wrong too!), STFU (they keep wishing), Peterology and the iPad (I died laughing), the spirulina and the chocolates (was just talking about something similar to my 8 year old nephew) and the 7Cs. Brilliant!

    Cheers!

  113. Even Bill Maher wasn’t as funny, or revealing when he went here for Religulous.

    Brilliance machan

  114. From Pharyngula, someone so kindly explained the Wyoming T… and Doubting Thomas, er Tamasiks. Still laughing. :-)

  115. I would have found this pretty funny if the whole thing didn’t turn my stomach. Passing this garbage off as actual information, intentionally trying to make people more ignorant, in this golden age of information technology… is just awful. No other way to describe it.

  116. This must be an article for people who think poop and penis jokes are the ultimate in humor. That said, I did not fail to notice that the early cave person going about his business alongside a large carnivorous lizard is wearing clothing. THIS IS BIBLICALLY INACCURATE. THE MUSEUM MUST BE SHUT DOWN UNTIL IT IS CORRECTED. I suggest also an accurate penis be put on the mannequin, and probably some poop on the ground. Oh yes — and show Eve’s boobs, please.

    Otherwise, I think the hilarity readers imagine — few laughing out loud, I’ll bet — is a kind of gallows humor, hoping that Science capital “S” makes a better idol to cling to for themselves so desperately than religious fundamentalism is for their uncertain and equally confused brethren.

    It’s a battle royale among the insecure and emotionally retarded, clanging their bold misunderstandings against one another, hoping for the imaginary rewards of some imaginary authority for doing so. Hint: the authorities-that-be tend to be rewarded with money, while their slavering volunteers are rewarded with handsfull of lukewarm air. Every competent vampire knows that incurring gratitude is the way to profit.

    Ho and hum. No wonder India is as full of murderous squabbles as America has been exporting wherever it can.

  117. I’m a Christian and I don’t understand the anti-science/evolution nuts either. I had to live in the South for nearly 6 years and I was saddened at how intentionally uneducated the people there took it upon themselves to become.

  118. You may enjoy author John Scalzi’s visit to the same museum a couple of years ago. He’s an articulate fellow, but was reduced to spewing profanities by the sheer idiocy of the place.

    http://whatever.scalzi.com/2007/11/12/your-creation-museum-report/

  119. Absolutely brilliant – you have an original and natural writers voice…my first time reading your blog but not the last…send me your resume!!

  120. This is really sad warning about the current state of our nation. Evolution is not the only thing at stake here. When people question science, they question reason. You can get people to believe anything if they don’t require proof. This is a big deal. Why, is this any different than how Galileo was persecuted for simply showing the earth was not the center of the universe?

    The author of this thread is right. Most of the people who go to this museum are nice, reasonable people. If you know anyone who falls for this stuff, instead of arguing, why not offer comments like “Why can’t science be looked at as the way God did things”. If they argue that evolution is too simple an idea to explain the diversity of life, point out that it is no simpler an idea than thinking “God snapped his fingers and created everything”. Evolution may be simple in concept, but that is what makes it so wonderful. Why not let them marvel at that, rather than tell them they are idiots? They vote too, and look who is winning primaries these days. The radicals are gaining ground everyday.

    We are reversing history. Being right doesn’t mean the wrong things won’t happen. This $12,000,000 museum is proof of that.

  121. I MUST get to this museum……I love “roadside attractions”, the more preposterous, the better.
    I’m so glad that I was able to visit “The Museum of Tragedy in U.S. History” before it closed it’s doors in St. Augustine, FL. Their collections included the apartment furniture of Lee Harvey Oswald and the “Jayne Mansfield Death Car”.

    Education for the masses, indeed.

  122. teenage eve is hot for a mannequin. recognize!

  123. This was awesome – thank you so much. The only thing that makes knowing that festering cesspool of ignorance exists is knowing we still have people like you to make fun of it and mock it publicly.

  124. I followed a link from Snipe’s twitter and was not disappointed.

    Wow! It boggles my mind that 21 million dollars was spent to explain away science with the King James Version of the Bible. Seeing it is absolutely nauseating. What is even more pathetic is knowing that the the King James Version is only part of the “Bible” , the parts that were deemed acceptable. Other books have been left out.

    It frightens the hell out of me that they people who commissioned & created the content of this museum actually vote. Let’s hope they are not teachers.

    Your satirical take on the museum is hysterical. Although I have to admit that I had to explain much of what amused me to my husband.

    The 7 C’s? Beautiful. I was howling in laughter.

    Scroll, Tablet, Harp, ipad
    “The Four Prophets of Peterology. They made stuff up in the past. I make stuff up now.”

    Awesome! More so because it is true. The victor of war recounts & embellishes the course of battle in his favor and it accepted as truth, whether or not it is an accurate recounting.

  125. Peanut butter, the atheist’s nightmare: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwsdLOmOxFw

    Seen this I presume?

  126. Doubting Tamasiks is now an indelible part of my vocab. The possibilities are delicious.

    But pray, explain, what is the problem with “asp”? It is a kind of snake, and the er, hole of the asp, would presumably be not too different from the “den” of the viper. Like passageway in the ground inside which said snake dwells.

    No?

  127. Wyoming Tyranoswareshwara Iyer? Seriously? Man you are one rad person. By the by, whats in it for iyengars?

  128. u all will pay for such blasphemy….
    our lord god’s grace be upon you…
    i will pray for all ur souls….

  129. Don’t push your dogmatic views on me. ASP isn’t that bad.

  130. LOL

    And TYVM

    There’s a new Noah’s Ark theme-park a-comin’ in Northern Kentucky, too.

    More of that Flood thing (and to Hell with J. V. Kinnier Wilson).

  131. we always keep track of our family tree because it is exciting to know the family tree ;-.

  132. Mark this on your itinerary for your next — I’m sure, breathlessly awaited — tour of Kentucky: a Noah’s Ark amusement park with state tourism development tax breaks.
    http://nky.cincinnati.com/article/AB/20101201/NEWS0103/312010046/Creation-Museum-seeking-tax-breaks-for-theme-park-

  133. HAHA! Awwesome! I’ve already followed you in Reader…

    But, but, it’s soo much sadder in our place :( Once, a newspaper had a story how Indian channels had shown that Sai Baba’s ‘magicks’ could actually be done by anyone… The next day, they had to print a half-page apology for ‘hurting the religious sentiments’ Sooo sad…

    -Dude from Kathmandu….

  134. The consistency of this fact (that all religions state women should be given a hard time) is proof that this is indeed god’s work. He wouldn’t be saying different things in different text because being a man, his statements are very precise and well thought out. We women should therefore STFU…it all makes sense to me now…

  135. The most incredulous pseudo-scientific experiments the prove the earth is flat

    http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=45427

    Do try this at home :)

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  138. Next time you’re in Toronto please to be chacking out the BAPS Swaminarayan Mandir-wala heritage museum. A much milder version but undertones of similarly RSS-BJPish Flavoured India-was-first-in-everything rah rah jingosim on display for the low low price of 5 CAD$

  139. Biblical lesbian couple?? Its just a biblical museum.

  140. I too visited the creationist museum as a tam bram atheist and was deeply disappointed at the lackadaisical attempt to push Jesus. I mean, nothing more than have you ever wondered why you are on this earth? Then here’s Jesus. Seriously?

  141. I just came across your blog and you totally made my day. Thanks!

  142. Hey that you very much for your write-up, it absolutely was fairly and educational study! I’ll be again afterwards for confident.

  143. Google the “new world order” please people! Spread the truth on…

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  145. Wow, awesome blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you make blogging look easy. The overall look of your website is magnificent, let alone the content!. Thanks For Your article about Kentucky Fried Creation | Doing Jalsa & Showing Jilpa .

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  147. Thank you for this – now I don’t have to spend money supporting them to fulfill my curiosity. I must say, I love how there are no labels on the branches of human evolution and no sources…just branches (with only 3 surviving to the “present” line). I was directed to your blog by a friend, after posting that the museum is now home to “the biggest and best ziplines in the Midwest.” Just as they had in the Garden of Eden.

  148. Hello there, You have done a fantastic job. I will certainly digg it and personally recommend to my friends.

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  149. I do not drop many responses, but i did some searching and wound up here Kentucky Fried Creation | Doing Jalsa
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  152. “Why did God throw the other animals out of Eden?”

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