Th3 G1t4

There’s a reason why certain cultural artifacts stay relevant across the ages. The beauty of the language and the powerful symbolism of the poetry give every generation the ability to derive  contemporarily relevant messages. Insightful commentators have managed to do this with the Gita over millennia. I am not one those insightful commentators. But that is not going to stop me from providing internet-era relevant commentary on some of the most well-known verses.

If this post makes you angry, hurts your religious sentiments or causes you to wake up with a skin infection the next day morning, please read this.

dhyaayato vishayaanh pumsah sangasteshhupajaayate |

sangaath samjaayate kaamah kaamaath krodho abhijaayate ||

When a person dwells longingly on sense objects like stuff on ebay, or a sale at Koblerr, an inclination towards them is generated. You don’t need to make in-game purchases in Angry Birds to finish that game. That is cheating. Only I am allowed to do that. That’s why gamers call it God mode. You don’t really need that antique oak-finished bedside coffee table because you can carefully balance your bed coffee on the bed itself. It’s a form of yoga. But people don’t do it. This inclination develops into desire and desire gives rise to anger.

krodhaadbhavati sammohah sammohaatsmritivibhramah |

smritibhramshaadbuddhinaasho buddhinaashaatpranashyati ||

From anger comes delusion; from delusion, confused memory; from confused memory the ruin of reason; from ruin of reason, man finally perishes. When you read a blogpost or tweet that makes you angry, just hold your horses. Think for a bit. Just because someone is wrong on the internet, you do not have to correct them, unless they use poor grammar. That is absolutely inexcusable. It’s “your anger”, not “you’re anger” because the latter applies only to God because only He can say “I am Anger, brighter than a thousand suns, tanning your face into the kind of dark shade of brown that Indians dislike in their brides and force them to use Fair & Lovely for” and that sort of thing.

uddharedaatmanaatmaanam naatmaanamavasaadayeth |

aatmaiva hyaatmano bandhuraatmaiva ripuraatmanah ||

Let a man raise himself by his own efforts. Let him not degrade himself.Don’t plagiarize. Don’t copy entire college projects from the internet. Don’t copy others blogposts and post them on your blog. Don’t copy entire blogposts and post them on Facebook. Don’t copy previously copied Facebook stuff and send them over email. Because a person’s best friend on Facebook can become his worst enemy because of this kind of spamming. If you ask someone to share a photoshopped photo of Tejo Mahalaya with the message “Share if you are a proud Indian”, it does not bring pride to India. It drives users away from Facebook to Google+

karmanyevaadhikaaraste maa phaleshu kadaachana |

maa karmaphalaheturbhuu maatesangotsvakarmani ||

A person has the right towards action alone and not towards the fruit of action. Don’t crave for Twitter followers and RTs, Facebook likes and shares. Self express on the internet because you derive joy from the creative process. Let not the fruit of action be the motive for acting. Don’t be fooled by TV ads that tell you that mangoes are the fruit of action. That is not true. In real life, Katrina Kaif probably does not like having mango pulp poured all over her. Also, Let there not be any attachment to inaction. And don’t send large attachments via email.

vaasaamsi jiirnaani yathaa vihaaya, navaani grihnaati naro aparaani |

tathaa shariiraani vihaaya jiirnaanyanyaani samyaati navaani dehii ||

Just as a person casts off worn out garments and puts on others that are new, even so, the embodied soul casts off worn out bodies and takes on others that are new.That is why people frequently change profile pictures on Facebook and Twitter. If you have skin blemishes, one of those “worn out” Instagram filters will help you refresh your soul.

yato yato nishcharati manashcha.nchalamasthiramh |

tatastato niyamyaitadaatmanyeva vasham nayeth ||

By whatever cause the mind, which is restless and fidgeting, wanders away, the yogi should bring it back from that and concentrate only on the Self. When having discussions with a girl on Twitter, there is no need to parallelly check her profile picture in full screen mode. Discuss as you would with any other human being. Let not her gender cause restlessness and fidgeting. And do not google for “Shilpa Shetty hot yoga” as a solution.

divi suuryasahasrasya bhavedyugapadutthitaa |

yadi bhaah sadrishii saa syaad hbhaasastasya mahaatmanah ||

Even If the radiance of a thousand Suns, bursts forth all at once in the heavens, it would still hardly approach the splendor of the mighty Lord, who will never give you up, never let you down because he is no stranger to love as he runs around deserting all manner of young Yadava pulchritude.

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42 replies

  1. Yeah We can deny the power of Almighty.

  2. Hahah hahahaha hahahaha

  3. still laughing hahahahahaha ha :D this is very funny :)

  4. Good to see you back in full form :D

  5. Yov. You are a genius ya.

  6. LOL! :-)
    Good to see good old humor back in the blogging world!

  7. Epic!

    Sent from my Samsung Galaxy Note II

  8. Hilariously relevant. Wow

  9. Glad to see you blogging again !! :) Much needed humour today !

  10. Finally….I was wondering if we had seen the last of you, now that you have a full time job at home too! A good read, and a good laugh, thanks!

  11. epic
    sent from my iphone 1008

  12. Welcome back Krish! What a piece! There exists very sound sense and logic here- this is so true of our state today! The disclaimer at the beginning is irrelevant as you are not one bit irreverent!

  13. Subtle RickRoll … Well played :D

  14. krishasya asokaya namaha

  15. Sarvadharmaanparityajya maamekam sharanam vraja |
    Aham tvaa sarvapaapebhyo mokshayishhyaami maa shuchah ||

    Abandoning all paths, come to Me as the only refuge. Grieve not, for I will liberate you from all sins. The most unforgivable amongst all sins in this modern world, Oh Partha, is the one of not being able to appreciate self-deprecating and implicitly critical humor about one’s cultural and religious heritage. Though grieve no more for Lord Krish(na) would deliver you to forbearance.

    (Hopefully, the attack of the theocrats would be subdued around this time. Also, a long term lurker, something like 5 years and my first time commenting on your blog !)

  16. i dont like it, but i appreciate the effort & creativity;

  17. nonsense.. vera vela iruntha paaruda jilpa mandaiya

  18. paritranaya sadhunam vinasaya ca duskrtam |
    dharma-samsthapanarthaya sambhavami yuge yuge ||

    “In order to delght the religious stalkers and to mock the mischievous trollers, as well as to reestablish the principles of pseudo religious blogging, I advent Myself blog post after blog post.” – Krish Ashok.

  19. KA, was it you that i saw today in IPL match (che vs pnjaab 4pm match) @ chepaaakk, in pepsi special viewing-booth (s/booth/cabin/eerumadom/plastic-contraption) ??? i am a 5 yr lurker

      • I was watching the match on TV when ravi shastri said “there is the pepsi VIP box, nice and cozy blah..blah.., winners of ‘pepsi competition’ (which indeed is a very informative description of what competition it is)…. and the camera zoomed in showing 3-4 ppl standing/sitting for a 1 sec shot….& i saw a bespectacled frenchie typing furiosly on his phone…. .. wow ! im genuinely chuffed about my pattern/face recognition skills, I should be a field operative in CIA or something :-) (dhap dhup dhop… patting myself on my own unreachable back)

  20. I am humbled. I have no idea what the mumbo jumbo* is between the paragraphs in The Queen’s English* which just goes to humble me further. Still I really like the lines that start with “yato yato” then “tatastato” there seems to be nice cadence in those mysterious syllables.

    I am also glad. Glad to have had you pop up in my Google Reader (which I started using upon your recommendation; but actually it is no longer GR that I use since They will be terminating it. Feedly is now where you show up.)

    *I hope no offense given — actually written to deride me for ignorance.

    Much fondness from Madrid!

  21. Awesomeness and Humor incarnates each time in the form of your blogs and achieves its sole purpose. LAUGHTER!! Kudos bro.

  22. Excellent write-up Ashok, not unusual for your talent. I am an avid fan of yours. When you do get a break from your relentless TCS schedule, and switch to being that creative, inspiring hobbyist you are, please do look me up @http://indiapundit.blogspot.com/. Sorry, I too am a shameless promoter.
    In case you do get impressed after visiting, I am really not that bad a blogger, merely indifferent :-)

  23. What a treat – just checked on your blog and found your new posts. Please keep posting!

  24. Hey good to see you back. I had given up on you after checking back a few times after vegetarian hell post. I thought you had gone the way of Asal Tamizh Penn (ATP)-btw, any idea what happened there?

  25. Nice read Krish-ashok.
    Some more:
    If you change your username every now and then, does that count as split personality?!
    If you save people’s lives by sharing/forwarding junk on cellphone use, can you become God?
    IF you send pictures of people in distress, can you gain an image as the Compassionate one?

  26. a great post . humor embeded in mythology. :)

  27. hahahaha if you ever decide to start a religion, let me know! :D

  28. thanks for sharing knowledge with us i like your post kindly check for lates updates about hili festival http://happyholi20144.com/

  29. yes it is rightly said that the language of the country shows their culture very well i used to write poems in urdu now i also tried to write in english ….

  30. Wow, marvelous weblog format! How long have you ever been blogging for?
    you made blogging look easy. The total look of your web site is magnificent, as smartly as
    the content material!

  31. I am regular reader, how are you everybody? This post posted at this web page is genuinely nice.

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