Auto Paato Kondaatto

For the Tamil-challenged, the title is a vague pun combining Autos and the Tamil expression meaning “Dance, song and general merriment”.

I wrote some tortuous and unreadable posts on Chennai Autos here and here. I even concocted a complicated long term “solution” to the “problem”. But Tamizh Penn has nailed it here

There is absolutely no need for any of the complicated gilma I talk about. All we need is the “Auto Payyan’s School of Fine Etiquette” – a world class institution whose global mission is to educate the middle-class on how to behave with Chennai auto drivers. Graduate Courses include (Masters and Doctorate syllabi will be defined at a later point) the following basic subjects that are recommended before the actual study of etiquette.

  • Autology 101
    • The student will be introduced to the basic philosophy and guiding principles of the world of Chennai Autos.
  • Baashology 101
    • An introduction to the spiritual underpinnings and the mystical thought leaders and visionaries of the auto world. Kollywood films and the role of a certain “superstar” will be explored in detail
  • Meterology 101
    • The advanced study of non-linear physics and chaos theory that forms the basis of the deceptively simple “Soodu Meter” concept
  • Advanced Fuzzy Logic and Sinequanonalogical Reasoning
    • A systems theory based exploration of the fundamental interconnectedness of all things in the universe. For instance, the role of the Iraq war on the prices of petrol as it applies to an LPG based Chennai Auto who will raise his fares based on this and many other variables including the inflation rate and rupee exchange rate.
  • Traffic Synchrotronics
    • An AI, graph theory and Game theory based exploration of the connections and similarities between the paths of hyperfast electrons in a particle accelerator and the paths and velocities of chennai autos
  • Etiquette
    • Introduction to Tanglish 
    • Number rounding formulae (for e.g, round(42.5) = 50)
    • Do not call a “running” auto from an auto stand. That is bad manners.
    • Do not call a “share auto” an auto. In the world of chennai autos, those are vehicles of mass destruction.
    • State your fare. The auto driver will state his. If the average of the two is acceptable, take it. If not, just walk away. Dont sermonize.
    • And more..

 Can one of you photoshoppers create a prospectus for this fine institution?

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