Tulcome Tulsi Tulconquer Tuldie

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It was on a Jet airways flight from Bangalore to Mumbai that I chanced upon this journalistic tour-de-force.

It was this that first captured my attention.

Special reports always capture my attention. They are usually cutting edge investigative journalistic masterpieces that dig deep into burning issues and lay bare the facts of human tragedy.

The next thing I always look for is the newspaper name and page number. The name reveals the um.er..newspaper name while the page number reveals the seriousness of the issue at hand.

Page 8. Good. I generally do not read page 3. Its filled with pictures of smiling men and women holding alcoholic beverages and pretending to have fun. But page 8. I am all eyes.

The photons from the first image hit my retina with an impact of the ocular equivalent of a tequila hit.

A picture of deep grief. My mind throws up a few possibilities. Death of son by police torture? Helicopter crash? Riot victim? I read on.

Oh unholy Asura’s flatulence. An entire lugubrious family. My heart starts to make travel arrangements. It wants to go out to them.

Oh no. wait 60 seconds. Another family in the depths of sadness. My mental apparatus figures in these new bits of evidence and adjusts its output. Grisly dowry death? Burnt by Kerosene? Doused in acid? Tandoor perhaps? Is the babe in red the victim’s sister?

Oh boy. Another family. A genocide of daughters-in-law? And families plotting revenge? This is getting interesting. What’s next? Hopes of reincarnation?

Holy stepgrandmother of the devil’s third cousin, I am clairvoyant. Images of tragedy, despair, revenge, retribution and hope against hope. Investigative journalism at its best. The images strike a full Aminor7th chord with me. I cant wait to find out what happened.

Oh Tulsi. Your life must have meant so much to so many people. May your soul do jalsa in the afterworld. I close my eyes and try to visualize the victim’s life and unfortunate end. Flashes of vivid memory. Wondering how I was able to do that?

Kyunki Ashok bhi kabhi TV dektha hai.

Full newspaper clippings here:

Oh Tulsi, when will you come back?

Oh Tulsi, why did you have to die?

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5 responses to “Tulcome Tulsi Tulconquer Tuldie”

  1. Karthik Krish Avatar
    Karthik Krish

    hehe…good one. Atleast its on page 8, unlike the page 1 coverage of Paris Hilton here.

  2. krishashok Avatar

    Now. Paris hilton grieving about Tulsi’s death set to Himesh Reshammiya music and rapped by Kevin Federline – that is page 1 maal.

  3. Arun Avatar

    I thought that it had to do something with the Sikh violence at first. I should have paid more attention to your post title. Hilarious.

  4. safiullah Avatar

    Oh Dear Tulsi Virani I love u and you especialy you

  5. Alter Ego Avatar
    Alter Ego

    I have been reading your archives from 2007…jobless…obvious from my comment on this post.
    2007–2010? Nothing has changed….Page eight special report has just evolved into a prime time special report on Headlines Today ( or yet another “News” channel)….when beloved Balika Vadhu died ( or did she? ) a couple of weeks ago… time for DD to play bad violin for three days and the national flag to fly on half mast

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