Having recuperated fully from suffering 3 days of airports in Chennai, Bangalore and Mumbai, I am slowly starting to recall all the jalsa and jilpa I experienced there. It was when I was listening to the swanky Jet airways personal entertainment system that this recipe made sense.

Ingredients

Two dudes in the following configurations (One preferably Sikh)

• dressed in African American style loose clothing and wearing dark glasses. OR
• clean shaven, muscular and effeminate looking

Lots of bling (for the uninitiated, bling is essentially jewellery that resembles the chains that we use to lock up luggage on Indian trains)

Background theme in 3/4 time signature, comprising (in any key), the following – C C# C# C# C# C#, Bb C C C C C C repeat ad vomitum

Background percussion – Alternate dholak with pounding bass’n’drums playing 4/4.

Voluptuous items (clothing optional for american media, legally bare minimum for Indian media) – One Indian and others white. The Indian must have the unique ability to look coy and demure all through the video while wearing scandalously uncoy clothing.

Rapper

• Second generation Brit of American desi wearing the standard rapper attire (dark glasses, bling, hood etc) OR
• Black rapper who is actually willing to interrupt songs with the occasional
  • Ah Uh, Ah Uh
  • One time, Two time
  • Peace out
  • Yeah baby
  • etc

Locations

• Times Square (or Piccadilly)
• Party (Shaadi or general)

Instructions

Two dudes wearing bling must chase around aforesaid items while singing in a light, airy voice about the profound theme of “Dil legayi” peppered with “Soniye” or “Kudiye” in above mentioned locations. The rapper must frequently interrupt. The background theme must not stop or change at any time.
Result (if instructions religiously followed) = Any contemporary Punjabi pop Video.