Boiled Bean Town

This post comes to you from Boiled Bean Town. More specifically Whitefield, a suburb suffering from serious Multistorey Apartment Disorder. Work brings me here for a couple of days and I am looking forward to Sambar with extra sugar for a change.

But metaphorically,

One walks into school. Class X. Idli/podi packed in tiffen box. One mentally runs through the time table. No troublesome classes today, one persuades oneself. Then holy mother of the guy in the sky, surprise tests in Mathematics and History!

Realistically,

I sign into my blog and find that I have been tagged. 25 of my favourite things, I am to write.

Metaphorealistically,

Tag Exam#1 conducted annually (200 times) by the Velai-illaadha Enthusiastic Tag Tag-nu Imsaipannuifiers. (V.E.T.T.I)

Time allotted: 25 minutes

Marks: 25

1. I like dusky Malayali women with short curly hair.

2. I like Heavy Metal music. I hope to one day assemble a band and play Carnatic classical songs with a muscular shirtless drummer, thin evil looking bassist, a bespectacled guitarist (Your’s truly) and lots of long hair. Our first music video will involve 20 young girls singing “Sree Gana Natha…” in Malahari ragam for 10 seconds before we arrive, scare them away and play a heavy metal rendition of the same song. The backdrop will be a dark cave with Milagu Kozhambu (Pepper Tamarind Gravy) dripping from everywhere. Simply for heavy metal dark effect. Eppidi?

3. I like the Cello. Although I am a violinist (of sorts),Β  I find the sound of the Cello unbelievably sensuous. My favourite is Cello Suite No.1,1 in G, Prelude by Bach, played by the incomparable Yo-Yo Ma

4. I like Colocasia esculenta (Arbi in Hindi, Cheppankazhangu in Tamil, Taro root in English) boiled and deep fried with chilli powder and turmeric.

5. I like disliking going to temples for purely religious purposes. Puliyodharais, Curd Rice, Vadas and other edible items must figure in the agenda. Musst Figures (I refer to the erotic sculptures) are also interesting reasons for going to old temples.

6. I like crows. In a very Hitchhikeresque way, I think they laugh at us everyday. Soon, they will leave us behind on this polluted planet and leave us a message – “So long and thanks for all the paruppu saadam”

7. I like Vincent Van Gogh. As a kid, I thought the eccentric Dutchman was a user of bad quality crayons and had a poor sense of perspective. Then one day, I saw Starry Night. Those stellar swirls in the sky still continue to pull me in.

8. I like Pepsi cola. Not the Plachimada spoiling or the pesticide variety. I refer to the 50p cylindrical polythene tubes filled with coloured ice. It’s a tragedy I don’t get them in Chennai any more.

9.Β  I like cryptic crosswords. The Hindu/The Guardian newspaper variety. Those who can appreciate the sheer, jaw-dropping elegance of gegs (9,4) will know what I mean. (Answer at the end of the post)

10. I like the final serving of extra paani after Ive eaten the last panipuri.

11. I like Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams. They are not mere writers. They are the literary equivalent of evil gnomes using crow feathers to tickle the bottom of one’s feet. For 24 hours.

12. I like my younger brother’s casual irreverence and my youngest brother’s irreverent casualness. My current 72 heart beats per minute (instead of 0) is testimony to their immense tolerance and patience.

13. I like Chacha Chaudhry and Obelix. I don’t like Sabu and Asterix. If somebody could take care of copyright issues, I would write the adventures of Chacha Chaudhry and Obelix. I would get Mahendra Palsule to illustrate them.
14. I like my grandmother. She is of the belief that people ought not to be paid so much for sitting in front of a computer all day. She is right. She is also of the belief that Sri Lanka has problems because, at the end of the day, it is a land that was once ruled by Ravana.
15. I like Origami.

16. I like my dowry. It’s a white, fluffy dog with a bushy tail. His name is Chinnu.

17. I like traveling. To places with waterfalls, snow or middle-eastern food (Feta Cheese and Hummus especially)

18. I like airplane meals.

19. I like Rajnikanth and Kamalhassan. One for being able to laugh at himself. The other, for making a movie like Anbe Sivam

20. I like Vijaykanth, and his low wear-and-tear approach to physical violence. (Twirl moustache. Bad guy falls)

21. I like gadgets. Preferably made by Apple, Bang & Olufsen or Onkyo. A Gibson Les Paul would be nice too
22. I like collecting musical instruments. Especially balloon-wala flutes from every part of India.

23. I like star gazing. Every time I get worked up about something that I think is important, I am reminded that we are an insignificant species in a pale blue dot revolving around a mediocre yellow dwarf in a remote corner of a mid-sized galaxy in a universe whose size and grandeur we cannot even begin to imagine.

24. I like liking. Disliking is not as much fun.

25. (for bonus teacher impression maroing points) I like my blog readers (Ayyooo. Too much ice pa). This is the only blog where the wit and brilliance exhibited in the comments section far outstrips anything in the posts.

Answer to cryptic crossword clue (in point nr. 9) : Scrambled EggsΒ 

And I tag Bikerdude in turn.