We are now officially the Kaattadi Kandasaamy Kriket Champions

We won.

Actually, we were winning till about the 17th over. Then the Pakis were winning till 19.3 overs. Then they lost the match to an ambitious shot by an audacious batsman who I am sure has a very bright future.

My father called T20 Kaattadi Kandasaamy Kriket a few days back. But not in a derisive tone. Clearly, all of us enjoyed watching this high energy sport that very importantly does not consume 8 hours of my life. Instead it’s a sweet 3 hours of mostly insane hitting and surprisingly enough, some incredibly deft bowling. Now that India have won the inaugural tournament, I am sure we will see a frenzy for this new format and given India’s clout in the ICC, I wouldn’t be surprised if this slowly eclipses the 50 over format. Frankly speaking, I have always been a fan of test cricket and the best one dayers can never hold a candle to the best tests. The Madras tie, anybody? The entire 2006 Ashes in England, anybody?

Needless to say, Ravi Shastri was on cliche overdrive. This match was going right down to the wire and it was anybody’s game and every once in a while it was Game on. And at the very end, apparently Cricket won.

Anyway, it was a lot of fun. I am sure everybody noticed those 4 tank-top Jilpaans dancing for every boundary. While I am not entirely sure if the spectators in the bottom row really appreciated having their already limited view further restricted by these wannabe Pintheru Pasanga and Minnunukka Poonakkutti

But back home in Chennai today, our Chief Minister completely lost his head. No. Not that way. He decided to essentially station every policeman and policewoman on the streets, one every few nanometres, just so he could feel safe in the face of all these beheading threats from somebody who looks like a man who has vowed to leave all material pleasures, do meditation in the himalayas, grow a beard, wear saffron robes but for inexplicable reasons, retain his Member of Parliament seat and issue Khomeiniesque Fatwas.

Actually, this whole episode is patently ridiculous. So ridiculous that it deserves to be patented. Indians (especially the subspecies Politicus Scumbagus ) can get offended by anything. Like Douglas Adams once said, technically speaking, every word we utter, however harmless, could possibly some alien species for whom that sound is the worst imaginable insult. So this Rama episode could spawn future incidents such as these:

#1 Tomorrow is an insult

Any Indian girl who understands English : Hey. When shall we meet again?

Andhra guy: Rape

Indian girl : Waaaaah. My honour has been besmirched.

Riotous mob from girl’s state: (burn. pillage. kill. plunder)

#2 You want a piece of me?

Tamil bloke : Hey. what seat would you prefer?

Karnataka guy: Near you beku

Tamil bloke : Dei. Who are you calling Beku.

Riotous mob from TN: (burn. pillage. kill. plunder)

#3 Private American Parts

Hefty Jat : Oi , where you are from in Amreeka?

NRI : Maryland

Hefty Jat: Abe teri %$^#$. Kya bol raha hai tu?

Riotous mob from Haryana: (burn. pillage. kill. plunder)

And so on.

28 Comments

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  1. HAHAHAA…. I got my Gulti and Canadiga friends to translate #1 and #2

    But hey, arent there 2 stories in this one post?:D
    You’ve offended someone by illegally publishing two separate stories together
    (burn.. kill.. plunder..)

  2. Leave the Rama incident … if we just think about Indian Cricket Fans, right now they are celebrating Dhoni’s captaincy. Six months before, the same mob was demolishing half built house of Dhoni. I’m glad that India won the cup. I’m very glad that it didn’t lose to Pakistan. Otherwise the same mob who was praising him yesterday would be demolishing his home again.

    We, Indian Fans really need to learn to take the game positively and give support to our cricketers when they win or even when they lose.

    About today’s match, Cricket apparently won. But captain of Pakistan should really need to learn what to talk on stage. Cricket is a religion in the sub-continent. For God sake, people shouldn’t bring religion in to cricket.

  3. Refresingly Amusing ! thoroughly researched

    didnt the vhp ex mp retract his statement ?
    nyways k looks like a turkey…with a tiny head

    Indians are a frustrated lot and due to the overpopulation we lack sport and dance facilities
    add to it the limited interaction between the sexes
    so we make do with burn. pillage. kill. plunder to vent out the frustration of daily life

  4. @k: the Pakistani captain’s first line was an apology/plea for forgiveness/appeal to not be shot in the face. i think it’s really sad that the man had to convince people he and his team had given it their all. now when a man is worried for his life he will say nonsense like “all the muslim in all the countries of the muslim” and “i want to thank the all the indian countries”

  5. he he he …..that actually transliterates to Repu….. 😉

    Got that looks from people a lot..from my Northi buddies in college..

    2 Andhra people talking:

    G1: Rey Eppudu Raavaali { Dei,When should i come??}

    G2: Rep Randi { Come Tomorrow….Followed by giggle from my northi buddies ;-)}

    G2:

  6. @Pri : Thanks for correcting me. Now, I can understand that Shoaib’s attempt was to save himself after reading in news that Paki cricket fans are burning effigies of Younis Khan and Afridi. Even without playing a great game, Shoaib managed to escape the anger.

    @Prax : If India had lost the match, I bet that the situation would be same in India too. A tiny head itself is sufficient to understand that. I wonder what you would need to understand the same.

  7. didnt get ur reply
    if ur talking about the anger in the streets of pak that is understandable
    by k i meant ur state cm and i think u took it in the wrong context
    not k the commentrator whose comment about our cricket fans is perfectly valid…

  8. didnt understand what ur reply meant
    if ur talking about the anger in the streets of pak that is understandable
    by k i meant ur state cm and i think u took it in the wrong context
    not k the commentrator whose comment about our cricket fans is perfectly valid…

  9. Sorry, I’ve very bad habit of missing something very important while commenting as I type lil faster.

    My comment was on “Apparently, Cricket Won”. Apologies for confusion.

  10. That would be the 2005 Ashes… And I’d add the 2001 India-Australia test series too… And a whole load of other test matches…
    I agree that Twenty20 could eclipse ODIs, though… ODIs were getting really predictable, formulaic and Australia-dominated…

  11. Haha.. That was a really good post. No matter how hard you try to not get carried away by something as insignificant as winning a game of cricket, its just impossible not to feel like the rest of the day is going to go really good, once you hear that India beat Pak. 🙂

  12. If I was CM, I would first ignore trivial issues such as dredging projects and first impose a moratorium on naming people Karthik 🙂 Way too many of them.

    KK,
    Yep. Fixed. It was 2005.

    K, Prax
    On top of the existing confusion, referring to the CM as “K” is obviously bound to cause confusion. But kudos to the way it was settled nicely without any unnecessary rudeness, like blog comment threads generally tend to be 🙂

    charukesi,
    Jilpaans is a Chennai term that refers to people who are englis speaking western dress wearing, dubchick dancing and display lord labakdasesque showoffing tendencies. But its a little unfair to apply it to foreigners because it is specifically meant for Chennaiites who exhibit these characteristics. Hope that helps

    Poornima, VBR, Rekha, CW…
    Thank you 🙂

  13. to many ks caused konfusion !!
    my line spaces didnt help either

    yes this was somewhat like a k serial from the stables of ekta kapoor
    like kyoonki, kunti etc

  14. i would add 99 india pak and98 india aus tests in chennai. Personally-some of my best times as a sports fan. Still remember the buzz at chepauk…emphatic victory over the Aussies and a gut wrenching defeat to the Pakis.

  15. Don’t forget other Shastri gems like:

    S-maackkked through the covers for 4.

    (Ball hit high in the air) – THIS should be taken…and it is.

    On a side note , have you watched Kris Srikkanth’s analysis? He suffers from extreme Shastritis too. Wish I could find a way to mimic it.

  16. Hilarious as usual!

    //Frankly speaking, I have always been a fan of test cricket and the best one dayers can never hold a candle to the best tests.//
    I wonder how many agree – I do.

    BTW, looking at the number of Ks in the title, post, and comments, this looks like Kalsa and Kilpa to me! 🙂

  17. //Frankly speaking, I have always been a fan of test cricket and the best one dayers can never hold a candle to the best tests.//I agree with you mahendra and Krish Ashok.
    ‘Kaattadi Kandasaamy Kriket Champions’ can you explain this in English please?

  18. Prerna,
    It’s a very rustic Tamil expression to indicate that T20 cricket is all about mindless, brute-force hitting and does not have any class or grace. Kaadu means “jungle” and Adi means “hit”, so a jungle-hit refers to a rather brutal hit, and kandasaamy is simply a name used for alliterative purposes.

  19. I have a humble konfession to make. I somehow read it as ‘kaathadi’ (pin wheel fan). It was not until your conjugatory explanation of Kaattu+Adi that I realised the folly of my ways.

    I fleetingly wondered why the reference to kaathadi, but I was rushing headlong into the artikle, so….

  20. Rekha/Soundar,
    I realize that I should have spelt it as Kattu adi, but I thought the “Sandhi” might work 🙂 Apparently it did not.

    Rekha,
    This blog was inspired by the Jalsa-Jilpa song, not the other way around 🙂

  21. Funny….I mean (genuinely) funny…
    This is the second post after theory of realestativity…

    You can add this too…
    Vadivelu goes to America for shooting…and then to a Mall…where he meets a Bro…Smiles at the Bro

    Bro: Wassup
    Vadivelu(eyes goe blood-red): Nee waasup…

    and PMK starts a bandh…plunder…

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