Seryalz 2.0

My official work is in the 2.0 world, which essentially means that all I do is recommend large fonts, shadows, strange spellings due to vowel removal, gradients and AJAXified slow loading pages to anyone and everyone who cares to listen. And oh, adding 2.0 at the end of all obsolete buzzwords makes them fresh like Ooty carrots, or so the jilpa goes.

A long time ago, when the dinosaurs roamed the earth and played with the Flintstones, I thought up a few alternative Soap Serial concepts. So it’s time to add the 2.0 suffix and join the bandwagon.

Kyunki SaaS bhi kabhi bahu thi

A dramatic picturization of the daring rise of Software as a Service, where hip youngsters Sales 4s and Amma Zon attempt to conquer the web, with the rallying cry “No Office. Wonly APIs“. The serial captures the futuristic vision of a completely servicified world. Cows have “Pay with Paypal” buttons genetically engineered onto them. Vending Machines provide mashup opportunities where people can mix Fanta with Goli Soda and a dash of Injimittai (Ginger sweet). E-Priests offer E-Archana services that can be consumed directly off the web. Devotees login, get a full-screen webcam view of the deity, listen to a soundtrack featuring Wom Ganapathaye Namaha remixed with the occasional Eppidi Irukkel Maami. The priest can also hit a button and remotely activate a USB powered faux deepaaraadhanai that will provide a 30 second flame for devotees to otthikofy (an elegant Tanglish word for cupping ones palms over a camphor powered flame and placing on face/forehead). If one is too busy, one’s Google calender can auto-invoke the archana APIs whenever special occasions and birthdays are due. (which are available on Orkut, of course)

But this bold march forward is not easy. Jealousies abound. Hostile takeovers are threatened. Denial of Service attacks are imminent. The foray of SaaS into the hallowed Tirupathi Tirumala temple is the tipping point. Will the bold plan of allowing devotees to login and choose from 400,000 deity-webcast options work? A $59.95 Kalyanotsavam or a $29.95 Brahmotsavam? Will allowing the user to navigate through a real 3D FPS game-type Vaikuntam Q-Complex simulation match the real thing? Will devotees be impressed with a 7.1 Surround soundtrack featuring Govinda Govinda remixed with Jargandi Jargandi ?

Watch (every day 2 pm, every evening on Youtube and every week TV rip on desi torrent) to find out.

Vlog (a.k.a V-Log, a.k.a We-Log, a.k.a Hum Log)

Imagine a world where webcams are everywhere. Where everybody’s life is streamed live, 24×7. Imagine an innocent village belle catching her Mora Payyan (Mangethar, Would-be) doing hanky-panky with somebody else on youtube. Imagine her locking herself up in the standard suicide room (One fan, One stool, One rope) and contemplating the worst. Imagine screaming relatives and friends banging on the door and urging her to reconsider. Imagine the would-be hearing about this from a relative who blogs live from his mobile phone while everybody tries to get the door open. Imagine him sending a Twitter message to live-blogging relative, urging him to squeeze a laptop through the window to the disconsolate girl.

Now imagine a dramatic scene where the boy does a live Skype video chat with the girl, promising to clean up his Orkut profile and his Youtube favourite videos.

Will she change her mind?

Watch (Every day 4 pm, every evening on Youtube and Joost, and every week TV rip on desi torrent)

Junoon (Tamil Dub) Redux

Decades ago, Doordarshan revolutionized one of the oldest languages in the world by introducing a new dialect – Junoon Tamil. Legend has it that Yoda (“Much Anger in you, I see”) was the dubbing consultant for this effort. But gone are the days when “Enge Pore Nee” (Where going, you are?) was the rage in town.

So relive the passion, the rage (because Keshav Kalsi had a smaller number of scraps on this Orkut profile than the main protagonist), the vengeance (starting a hate blog) and the drama (Debate on Slashdot) of Junoon, with an interesting twist. This version is entirely silent, with subtitles in Yoda-Junoon-like-Chatspeak. For e.g

LOL okay…er..a public indecent proposal, seem lyk, dat may. Luv Keshav Kalsi, dat 2 say, i ment! His wite soot, so kyoot is.

u hv, 2 blogroll, not aded me, I sens.

And so on.

Watch (Every day 6 pm, every evening on Youtube and Metacafe, and every week TV rip on desi torrent)

16 Comments

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  1. I dont know how many comments this post will attract but a lot of traffic sure will. People looking for torrents, or sleazy searches like ‘vilage belle nude metacafe’, also ‘bhramotsavam video youtube’…

    in true Yoda bashai
    fantastic post, I feel this is!

  2. So true @ Maxdavinci.

    AK, if we reach TTD on this, we certainly could get a project. They always search for a new method of looting innocent pilgrims.

  3. Since I grew up in erstwhile Calcutta, I missed the Junoon Tamizh bit. Could someone give some examples of Junoon Tamizh for me to understand the bit better.

  4. AFTER bumping into your blog-post from somewhere
    AND getting over and figuring out those tamil-telgu (whatever) gobbledygooks (see, I ain’t South-Ind)
    AND those slew of Wiki cross references (do they pay you for that?), I solemnly admit that I’ve construed to a considerable extent what you meant to say…:)

    So there you are with a risible soap opera talking about 2.0 mania that has caught and ripped things apart…But is it where the story ends…I doubt.

    I doubt that people here will embrace or be entrenched in or be forced to this 2.0 eon the same way your imagery renders it as.

    I doubt that any technology can percolate within a ghetto/culture/society without any adaptation (tweaking!) before the masses can make a mountain out of it…

    People (not you here) excitedly over-reach sometimes while talking about technology implications for the future because it brings optimistic bright pictures for them. Even if we see the same from a futurists eyes, its hard to predict things.

    So it may take years for our desi ghetto masses to even try their hand on things like orkut, twitter, blogger et al. And I am NOT talking abt top 5% (err…I m not gud at figures…) population having a computer with net and enough leisurely time (most importantly) to use these stuffs.

    And even if the rest 95% rural-urban combine janta do get a chance, the market (and the job!) has to change to accommodate them (Remember Nokia 1100…or Mac Aaloo Tiki for a more urban example?)

    I don’t know if I have given a rather serious connotation to your script :)….But I hope you get the point I have here…There are many other ramifications on the issue for which this comment space is not enough of course.

    …Hmm and if things above does/doesn’t make sense we can surely connect and broach if it appeals to you…:)

    +Cheers!

  5. all I do is recommend large fonts, shadows, strange spellings due to vowel removal, gradients and AJAXified slow loading pages to anyone and everyone who cares to listen. And oh, adding 2.0 at the end of all obsolete buzzwords makes them fresh like Ooty carrots, or so the jilpa goes.

    No wonder you blog has an easy-on-the-eye font and neat design and is user friendly even for supperannuated folks like me. And the writing is lucid without printers’ devils etc. Engaathu maamavukkum unga blog design, format romba pidichirukku.

  6. Wow! Thats some kick ass stuff…. Like the way to talk abut teknology and humour…. its like crazy mohan writing script for steve job marketing presentation….

    Nice to know a fellow associate as a good blogger thru wordpress…. i am going to read all ur stuff…

  7. Giridhar,
    Thank you 🙂

    Maami,
    Honoured.

    Ashish
    🙂 Nope. Wikipedia does not pay me. I use firefox and the brilliant adaptive blue extension, which gives me wikipedia results with a right click (apart from doing many other things). So it’s simply easier to link.

    You are right about a lot of this being a very geek/niche interest thing. We should have a discussion about this. Perhaps I should write a post about this sometime.

  8. Hey that wiki cross-references thing was supposed to be a bad joke….never meant that :-). Yes adaptive blue is cool I’ve seen.

    Forgot to say your writings are prolific..nice readings here.

    Yes we can connect sometime…if you come on Gtalk I m available at ashish.kr84. Wats urs?…

    Cya n Cheers.

  9. Man I just discovered your blog from another blog (long link story) and I’ve subscribed immediately.

    Nice to see your sense of humour. I’ve added your blog to my link list! 🙂

  10. Krish,

    The serial idea is good. Maybe the Junoon currently would use the modern versions of Tamizh – ManiRatnam Tamil and Compere (SUN) Tamil

    Dialogues can go like this:

    Maniratnam:
    ************
    Daughter(D): Ammha

    Mother(M): Ahn

    D: Naandan

    M:Oh

    D:Pasikkudu

    M: Een

    D:Saapdalai

    M: Adhan Enn

    D:Adhan Sapdalai

    M: Naan on amma

    D: Vendam Adhu vendam

    (Music in backgroud ; close up and circular shots of the mother-daughter multiple times, chair table, fan, jug, pin, floor and everything around the room for 10 minutes)

    M: Appadithan

    (Again Music in backgroud ; close up and circular shots etc……….)

    D:Appa enge

    (Camera freezes on mother’s face – “Thodarum” caption on the screen)

    Compere Tamil (with some effect from our cooking programs also)
    **************

    Cheerful D : Hello Amma

    Cheerfuller M: Hallo

    D: Enn Panreenga?

    M: Unkuda pesikkitrukken (giggle giggle)

    D: (galagala giggle) – romba thamsha pesareenga

    M: Neengalum appadithan

    D: Enkku Ungala rumba pidkkum

    M: Enakkum

    D: Enn Panreenga?

    M: Uppuma

    D: Parkrathukke romba nalla irukku (Saapida?) – enkkum eppdi panrudunnu soll tharaeengala?

    M: Ravayai nalla clean pannittu meduva varukkanum

    D: Eppudi Clean pannanum?

    M:Kaiyyale

    D: (again gaga giggle) – ravai sariya varuthahdunnu eppadi theriyum?

    M: Konjama edutthu saapitu partha theriyum

    D: Appuram?

    M: Muzhunganum

    D: (now gili gili gili giggle)

    M: seasoning panna vendiya ellathayum vanalile pottu konkam thanni serthu boil pannanum; appuram ravayai kotti cook agara varaikky kilaranum. Indha konjam sapttu paru

    D: Oh rumba….(daughter actress faces konalfied , stuck-eyes wide with surprise…etc) (Camera freezes – thodarum)

    Epilogue – disgusted with the “Daughter actress giggles” had added some fevicol to the uppuma and the daughter actress is still coping with

  11. llast Post got trungated –

    Epilogue – the mother actress disgusted with the “Daughter actress giggles” had added some fevicol to the uppuma and the daughter actress is still coping with the trauma of a stuck mouth.

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