Hawa Hawa City, the prelude

All Eyes Byes. Or was it

All Ice Pies. Or perhaps

Al Eis Peis (a.k.a Shaikh al-Haid al-Seekh)

Anyway. While some people were counting upto 20 and other people were hiding in various ineffective places, I chose Chicago. Which is where I find myself for the next 2 days. On work. Which then brings me to the title of the post, an obvious circular reference to 3 things

1. The legendary cult pop song by Hassan Jahangir, who is Pakistani

2. The city of Chicago, which is really windy

3. It’s huge Pakistani population, which leads us back to point nr 1.

Which is ok, because I like people from Pakistan (especially their kebabs and Urdu hard rock) although the cab drivers tend to keep asking me how much salary I earn every month.

The first thing I saw as soon as I settled down was a desi local newsletter (I forget the name, something like “Indian Neighbourhood” or something to that effect) and I did what any sane person would do as soon as he has an American desi newsletter in hand. Check out the matrimonials for humour/laughter/general mirth purposes.

But instead of chuckling/smirking/grinning, I found myself doing a McKinsey/Forrester level research comparison of The Hindu matrimonials and Chicago Desi newsletter matrimonials. I was curious to find out what the differences were. And here is my executive summary. The full report will of course cost $1500 + taxes.

  • American Desi newsletters use American spelling. Like “Fair colored girl” instead of “Fair coloured girl”.
  • They leave out “USA groom” because I am told that it is “bleeding obvious”
  • There is a lack of peter-vudura ads that tend to go “Looking for broadminded/likeminded girl. Caste no bar” etc etc. I believe those types generally come back home one day and go “Papa. This is Rachel”, and dispense with matrimonials altogether.
  • Salaries are usually not mentioned. Unlike the MVSML ( matrimonial vital statistics mark up language ) format that is used in the Hindu. E.g. 24/175/30000/MBA MNC well settled seeks FCED girl. In case you didn’t figure out what FCED means. It’s Fair, Convent Educated, Docile. FCEH (Homely) is also allowed.
  • Some ads mention “Independently settled”, which is a euphemism for “Groom is not a mama-lovin’ house trained puppy“. I don’t find this in the Hindu. In India, the guys parents (and not the girl’s) reserve the right to become part of the married household any time.

That’s it. But I have an idea for desi software types who have settled/run-away/ditched original-visa-giving-company and wish to save money on matrimonials in the US. When you want to say “I like fair, convent educated, homely girls”, say I L1ke FCEH. That way, you could subtly notify the other party of your visa type in addition to saving precious per-word costs. You could also say “H1gh salary” if it fits you.

Ok. The second part of this post will have to wait till I’m done with necessary evils such as work for the next 2 days. Restaurant suggestions (especially the middle-eastern variety) are solicited.