King Maha got bullied by a dwarf?

Jalsa Raakshasi: It’s time to sleep, grandson

Jilpaasura: Tell me a story, grandma

JR: Do you want a happy story or a sad story?

JA: I’m bored of happy ones. Tell me a sad story

JR: Long ago, there lived a righteous king, a doyen of our clan, Mahabali, who ruled righteously over the land of Kerala. Everybody in the kingdom was happy because, for a change, there was no discrimination based on caste or class. But the gods couldn’t stand his popularity

JA: So what did they do?

JR: They sent a dwarf

JA: To fight Mahabali in a Quake Deathmatch?

JR: No. To ask Mahabali for a gift, knowing that the legendary king’s generosity will prevail over any sense of foreboding that the dwarf was up to no good

JA: So what did he do?

JR: He asked for land.

JA: To which I am sure, the great king laughed like our uncle Kumarimutthasura.

JR: He did, and he asked the dwarf to go ahead and take his 3 steps worth of land. The dwarf immediately did a View->Zoom->1600% and covered all of the earth and the skies in 2 steps and asked Mahabali where he could keep his third step.

JA: That’s not cricket, grandmom

JR: Yes. What to do? The gods were all amit_123s (see glossary for definition) and they didn’t like big-moustachioed Madrasi kings. So anyway, the great king offered his head as a resting place, and the dwarf took that chance to push the king into the middle of Bangalore traffic (also known as Paataala)

JA: Holy face paint of Shantakumaran Sreesanth, that is totally not cricket.

JR: Mahabali, despite these grievous insults, was still all humility, and asked the dwarf if he could have permission to visit Kerala once a year to meet his people.

JA: And?

JR: The people of Kerala celebrate his visit by doing flower rangoli (Pookkalam) and eating Asura sized meals (Sadhya).

JA: This is ridiculous. They should be mourning this gross injustice instead of celebrating some amit_123 god’s zoom-effects based chicanery. Didn’t the asuras go on a hartal when this originally happened?

JR: We did. After all, it’s Kerala, so we did go on a hartal demanding justice for Mahabali.

JA: So what happened?

JR: Some good looking Mohiniattam dancer distracted us by serving us some really tasty jackfruit paayasam for free. So the hartal was called off.

JA: Ah damn. I really like Jackfruit paayasam.

JR: Would you like to drink some before you sleep?

JA: Oh yes (and proceeds to gulp down a few litres of Chakkapradhaman). Good night grandma. What story are you going to tell me tomorrow night?

JR: I will tell you another sad story, the one about the great-grandfather of Mahabali, the noble Hiranyakasipu, who, like any responsible father, tried to convince his son Prahlada to live life, have fun, learn knowledge and be a good human being instead of monotonously repeating a single word (“Narayana”) a million times a day for no reason. He was just afraid that his son was turning into an obsessive-compulsive, and might need therapy.

JA: And did Prahlada listen? What did he do?

JR: Not now. Tomorrow night. Now go to sleep.

52 Comments

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  1. thala!!! u rock!…. lols … well this is not just for this one but in the last two days i cant help gagaing abt u, and amit 123 !!!! hhaahha ..sooo true …
    to our mba–aatic disordered counterparts across the mirror line of the vindhyas!!

  2. See, when I was told this story I was under the impression that the dwarf took the step on earth and sky at the same time, thus indulging in a Hail Mary split, and went on to suffer a rather embarrassing wardrobe malfunction.

    And I must inform you that the great Ramanand Sagar beat you to recounting this tale in slow motion, with multiple camera angles. And clanging of various sized metal gongs. And kings with superb pot bellies. Whoever said all conquering emperors had six packs?

  3. LOL @ push the king into the middle of Bangalore traffic (also known as Paataala)..so true!! and Asura sized meals(sadhya) ..i’m half mallu so I know what you mean!!

    great post! keep ’em coming ^_^

  4. Mallu Hartals… transports me back to post-grad 🙂
    wish i could remember some of the war cries from Godz Wone Gun-try!
    amit_123 rules again…!
    and of course, good-looking mohinattam dancer. lol.

  5. KA – good one…though I think traffic in Bangalore “Paatala” would be better compared to the one at ground level….and so, Mahabali chooses to come up only once a year.

    B

  6. *****
    Great post தலைவா! As usual!!
    I didn’t get the amit_123 reference. An in-joke?
    Ashok: Nah. I introduced that term in the previous post on Himesh. I’ve now updated the glossary page

  7. Haappee Onam Chetan! Splendid, as usual! extra LOL @ ” amit_123 god’s zoom-effects based chicanery”. Poor Bali! And poor Shukracharya, coz the amit_123 god poked his eye out for trying to stop Bali! How unfair!

  8. Brilliant, as usual 🙂

    What about a JR – JA dialogue on the Righteous Dude who decided his wife was guilty of adultery on the say-so of an MCP washerman abusing his freedom-loving wife?

  9. Belated Onam wishes Ashok!! well…chakkapayasam…a big sigh from my side!!though Hyd is well under madrasi zone…there is no chakka here 😦
    Ashok: Thang you.

  10. If intentional this is the funniest line in the post:
    “Holy face paint of Shantakumaran Sreesanth, that is totally not cricket.” – Brought to mind Sreesanth doing Kathakali in front of a Nirapara full of Chakkapradhaman.

    Belated onaashamshaptakaa’s (sorry) onaashamshagal to yourself and family.

  11. You are reinventing history as you write bro. Priceless! The ruling governments should pick you up as Chief Textbook Writer.

    Been a long time visitor (and forwarder of your posts to friends) here. God bless you.

  12. Why are there not enough guys like you never around at the right time maachan????
    You are swell – fantasic – such a good laugh!!!
    Keep it going – waiting for the next one!!!!

  13. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!
    View–Zoom… Priceless!
    Am a mallu whose lived in Bangalore most of his life, everything makes so much sense again! 😀
    Truly awesome stuff!

  14. “A pot belly in middle age dramatically raises the risk of Alzheimer’s”, reports the Daily Mail. Men and women who have “large stomachs in their 40s are three times more likely to suffer serious mental decline when they reached their 70s”, the newspaper adds. ^

    Take a look at all of the most up to date short article at our blog page
    <'http://www.healthmedicinecentral.com/chest-pain-after-eating/

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