The Infinite Monkey 2.0 has a go at 2008

I sat down today wondering why January 1 was considered the beginning of the year. Turns out it’s nothing astronomical (it’s about 10 days after Winter Solstice) or even anything religious (It’s 6 days after Christmas) for that matter. It was apparently the day when Roman consuls, Voluptuous Arteriosclerosus and Gluteus Maximus began their year in office in 153 BC.

I was also reminded of the word “laconic” and the slightly apocryphal story of its origins. Apparently Philip of Macedon threated the Spartan state of Laconia thus:

If I enter Laconia, I will level Lacedaemon to the ground

The Spartans apparently sent a brusque, brief, and yes, laconic message – “If”

So I was inspired to write a brief summary of important global events in 2008 in a laconic manner, if you will. But that was when I was interrupted by Infinite Monkey 2.0. For those of you who are not aware of this peerless simian, let me remind you. The 1.0 version of the Infinite Monkey spent many millennia randomly hitting keys on a typewriter. Once in a while (usually aeons), he would produce Shakespearean verse by the sheer force of probability. Now, Infinite monkey 2.0 is an improved version. He doesn’t use typewriters. He uses Web 2.0, and therefore rearranges tags (keywords) instead of letters.

I had originally written:

In 2008, the black dude won. China pulled off the Olympics. The original Windows guy stepped down. The Large Hadron Collider did not destroy the world. Mumbai burned, rich wall street crashed and became poor and Firefox released 3.

And the monkey decided to extract all the keywords and rearrange them. But I was surprised because he came up with this.

In 2008, the black dude won 3 at the olympics and the Large Hadron Collider promised to open some windows into origins of the world but foxed everyone as it crashed. China erected more firewalls and a movie about a poor guy from the streets of Mumbai struck it rich.

Oh well, he got lucky I guess. But then, he had another go.

In 2008, the large and rich city of Mumbai made movies that most dudes would not buy black, even from poor (fired) wall street guys who hadron out of jobs, even in China.

Now wait a second. This was getting out of hand. And then, Mr Infinite Monkey hit the “I’m feeling lucky” button once again and came up with:

In 2008, one could collide with cars, walls, windows, foxes, black and chinese people, all while driving around in a large city and firing at other dudes.

The year was also interesting in the sense that several potential “The Onion” headlines became real headlines

  • Black man with a name that rhymes with Osama defeats rich white Vietnam veteran to become president
  • Jews ghettoize and kill innocent people in Gaza.
  • Indian wins gold medal in the Olympic games
  • Banks give lots of loans to folks who have no intention of repaying and then say “Oops”
  • In revenge for years of bombing and collateral damage, irate Iraqi throws a size 10 shoe at Dubya.

Anyway, wish you all a Yappy Hew Near, Nappy Yew Hear, and that other combination as well.

32 Comments

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  1. Sooper! Every day, in every way our news paper gets more an more like The Onion.

    And Bill Clinton is very lucky no one thought of naming the Large Hadron Collider after him. The press would have had a field day.
    “Clinton gets a Large Hadron”
    “What’s new, asks Hilary”
    “A pair of Bosons gave Clinton the Large Hadron, alleges Kenneth Starr”

    Ashok: Aha! As they say in Tamizh, “pun-nittiya da. Pochu po”, which translates to “You have done it. There we go again!” with the verb “done” rather literally acting as a pun.
    On seeing the headline above, Clinton was reported to have said – “You strange media quarks have hit rock bottom! I did not go down on her. She was on top. But it was charming nonetheless.

  2. hmm so wats new? don’t monkeys give us news bites these days?

    we ought to start a new news channel ‘monkeybites’, no wait it’s the age of 2.0 so lets call it ‘MonkeyBytes 1.87’

  3. Isn’t Gluteus Maximus the athlete from ‘Asterix at the Olympic games’ & Voluptuous Arteriosclerosus the centurion from “Asterix & the Soothsayer??”

    If we go by the Asterix intro.. “Its the year 50 B.C.. All Gaul is occupied.. All? No.. etc…”,
    the two of them wouldn’t have been born in 153 B.C as they don’t look a 100 years old in the comics.. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚
    Ashok: πŸ™‚ Ah. So finally somebody noticed that. I just needed 2 names for those consuls, and wikipedia didn’t provide them, so these had to suffice

  4. Well, the closest Roman name in Asterix referring to a day of the year is Crismus Bonus.. That might have been more apt than a reference to the posterior.. πŸ™‚

    But of course, there is the argument that Crismus Bonus doesn’t sound like a name & hence might leave readers confused.. πŸ™‚

  5. lol πŸ™‚ i love asterix too.

    incidentally, do you read tintin as well? the museum in belgium rocks!!! love love loved it πŸ™‚

    yes, i’m 5 years old.

  6. The first example was out of the world. Your creativity level is just abnormally high! can you try and breakdown the process of how you go about writing such posts?
    keep it up. Happy 2009 to you and fellow fans.

  7. Actually, the probability of infinite monkeys should be much larger than speculated.. Since humans evolved from apes (which are monkeys in a sense) and they came up with a lot more than Shakespheare, well you get the gist……

    After going through http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infinite_monkey_theorem we can say Shakespeare was one heck of a clever person who evolved from “you-know-what”..

    Nice post πŸ™‚

  8. There is something religious about January 1st. The Catholic Church and Anglican Church celebrate the circumcision of Jesus Christ. During those days, the act of circumcising was performed on males eight days after birth. It just FYI. The post is great mate!!

  9. hey, your ‘current solo compositions’ link returns a ‘500 -internal server error’ message… a sentence i’d never have thought i’d type 15 years back.
    Ashok: I’m assuming stage.fm is down, perhaps for maintenance. Let me know if it still doesn’t work tomorrow

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