History, with commentary from Rediff

I wake up everyday, lethargic and lacking in vim and verve. I grab my morning tea, but that shot of caffeine does not do enough to jolt me into my normally hyperactive self. Then I open Firefox and start typing “re” in the awesome bar. It gives me two choices – reddit and rediff. The decision making algorithm in my left hemisphere ponders at this critical juncture of my day to day existence. I could either

  • reaffirm my rational faith in the pristine faithlessness of reddit, while also snickering at the occasional LOLcat and breezing through elaborate expressions of eloquent Microsoft-hate
  • read commentary generated by the wisdom of the Indian crowd, the collective intelligence of co-creative India 2.0, the smart mob of the temple, mosque and cathedral located in the middle of the bazaar

I always pick rediff. Reddit can wait. The unread 4 million items on my Google reader can wait. The Sky-is-about-to-transfer-a-large-amount-0f-momentum-to-the-top-of-my-head crisis email from work can wait. Global warming can wait. The tsunami about to engulf Besant Nagar can wait. Time can wait. After all, what is the only thing that can set off microscopic alarm clocks that play “Cowboys from Hell” by Pantera to shock every cell in my body into high-energy wakefulness every day morning? This can.

rediff-history-1

Now, after reading that, my brain shakes off the last vestiges of its immense desire to grab a few more minutes of sleep and moves into “Give me some more of this” mode. It extends its metaphorical arm, exposing its veins for another hit of Cannabis Rediffcommentia. My eyes oblige and scroll down from the Multi-destination Country Hygeine plan described above to its first response in classic Rediff grey-and-green.

rediff-history-2

At this point, my brain, having had enough already, shifts gears into Indian-Political-Armchair-Theorizing mode. I note the user name “lenin” and theorize that this is a plot by atheist communists to sow seeds of discord between Hindus and Muslims. So I do what any self-respecting Indian would do. Join in the conversation and contribute my subtle improvements to this clean-up theory.

rediff-history-3

Now my day has well and truly begun. I close the rediff window. After all, too much a good thing is..well, not a good thing. But I cannot help but pity the rest of the world and their lack of alarm clocks that can send this kind of jolt of vim and rigour every day morning. Should there not be Rediff commentary for all news, no wait, f0r all of history, spanning across space, time and those other string-theory dimensions? Should there not be History, With Rediff Commentary, enhanced, multi-perspectized, hyper connected, yet visceral and in (and out from the back of) your face?

So what if Obama got elected in a historical election?

rediff-history-4

So what if Julius Caesar was stabbed to death?

reddif-history-5Or if Michael Phelps failed a dope test?

phelps-cheatOr perhaps, when Star Trek style transporting technology is invented

reddif-history-6

The Rediff comment is the true byline to history. Not Youtube, which is simply inane, or Slashdot, which is simply too informative, or Reddit, which is simply snarky. A rediff comment is a snarky expression of pseudo-informative inanity, and in that delectable cocktail I believe we have the first truly pan-dimensional Indian internet meme. It’s called – What would a rediff commentator say to this?

reddif-history-7

56 Comments

Leave a Comment

  1. Although their post doesn’t attract me.. their spammable comments section often makes me go ROFLMAO from a very boring day face ๐Ÿ˜€

    They Quiet literally Complete my day ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. You know what I find absolutely scary? I can’t figure out whether the later quotes were created by you or are actual Rediff comments !!!

  3. Awesomes…
    One must calculate the average number of rediff comment runlength before a comment on a cricket or politics related post”elevates” to one that of a communal/commie/northie-southie bashing one.
    2-3 is my guess.

    My replies to the Indian Rediff meme… [ in threads ]

    1. [Highbrow-opinionated-fool says ] -Oh, Rahul Dravid is such a test batsmen, You can’t send him for 20-20.
    2.[ Random Amit dude says]- Cheeka [ Kris Srikanth, you retards], is a fool, he is only TN biased. He picks only Badrinath or Vijay.
    3.[Peter Vijay says ] – Then what, he should have picked you or what. ROTFL
    4. [Random Amit Dude says] – Nonsense. Badrinath should take some chavanprash. LOL
    5. [Totally wasted guy after some thinking] – Sonia Gandhi and Manmohan Singh should be sent as openers.
    6.[Peter Vijay says ] – Yes. Yes. I totally agree. And Chidambaram should be the wicket keeper.

    Must-visit-rediff-for-more-inspiration…..

  4. Made a quick visit to Rediff. Found this in two seconds. That site is a goldmine!
    ——————————–
    Listen to me !
    by Bhupinder Singh on Jul 19, 2009 03:34 PM | Hide replies

    Goras are giving jobs to mullas and cockroaches only. My frined from Australia informed me that Goras are deleting the answers from the answersheets of Indian students be it IELTS exam or any other ones. It is a serious issue my dears and nears. Please come closer hand in hand and boycott all western goods and movies, be it xx or 3x.

    MichelJackson was murdered by FBI ( Gora).

      1. What got me was his emotional yet restrained pledge at the end of it all “Please come closer hand in hand and boycott all western goods and movies, be it xx or 3x.”

  5. Heh. To paraphrase JBS Haldane, “The Rediff comment is not only weirder than we imagine, it is weirder than we can imagine.”

    A brief comment on one such comment from some months back is here ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. Oh mannn, awesome!!! the 1st para is pretty the much the start of my daily surfin as well … except i then decide to hav my faith in humanity shaken by the whole world rather than just our fellow countrymen ๐Ÿ˜›

  7. Ummm…… how much caffeine did u actually expect to get out of drinking ‘tea’?? Yes , tea does contain caffeine but according to wikipedia :

    “a cup of brewed tea contains significantly less caffeine than a cup of coffee of the same size.”

    Anyways, I suppose my attention to detail is kinda irritating …… am extremely sorry. It’s a side-effect I incurred after reading Slashdot !

    Before I forget …….. are you Dravidian or Aryan by descent ?? I desperately need to start an argument here.

  8. I think Marx’s take on history was that “History repeats itself first as tragedy, and then as farce”. In the case of rediff comments, these appear as farce from the get go (and repeat themselves ad infinitum)

  9. u r really headweight guy. ne1 can make a fun of other ppl easy only. But as more educate u should more understand the less educate. Who is not like you but truly proud of Bharat’s RICH CULTURAL HERTAGE. Only those really feel for the country and deserve saluting.You go on put funny graphs only. Ppl laugh @u.

    1. Dagalti,
      You must be having no brains in your mental cavity at all. Perhaps U r RSS educated and BJP partymember no? Go tell your SP Mookerjee to change his name to Mukhopadhyay and then speak about CULTURAL HERITAGE.

  10. Heres one “gem” comment I had found sometime back, and made a rediff comments fan:

    http://cricket.rediff.com/report/2009/jun/09/dhoni-versus-india-media.htm
    “World Class bowler that he is, McGrath was made to sit on the sidelines without been given even one chance. He gave a curse to Sehwag for that.

    That curse came true in this T20 WC when Sehwag was not even given one game and asked to return home by Dhoni. That Curse is now transferred to Dhoni, and pretty soon he is also likely to hit the sidelines.

    That is why they have asked Dinesh Karthik as stand-by just in case the Curse hits Dhoni as well.”

  11. Nice… I usually go with Reddit for my morning browsing joneses. I must agree with you though that occasionally perusing the Rediff comments goldmine is a very entertaining way of procrastination-by-web-browsing.

    You are right… completely meme-worthy stuff….

    Here’s a great one from today… comments on Jairam Ramesh’s meeting with Hillary Clinton on climate change. Colorful language like I’ve never seen before in my life.

    —————————————
    Undignified UPA behavior- all for the sake of a Prince
    by Deiselova Petrolwich on Jul 20, 2009 01:48 AM

    Jayaraman Rameshan looks liker a typical racist,casteist gober-gas emitting Iyengar.. Look at the smirk he has adorned.

  12. Dear Sirs,

    I visited your blog and read this post of urs. This made me uncontrollably laugh so much that I am now suffering from severe stomach ache. Please to request you sir, that I am in dire need of money since I lost my job because of this terrible recession brought about by the imperialist West, not to mention, Paki s/w engineers also stealing our jobs. I need money for the doctor to cure my stomach ache, since you are responsible for it, please help.

    Jai Hind.

  13. That was awesome dagaalti…
    I’m depressed that KA has his cerebral lobes rolled and thrown inside his groin.

    KrishAshok… yoo raak! Dha postu waas aasam! LMAO.. Yoo aar att yuvar Fanni besht!

  14. Haha, Rediff cracks me up most of the time. Many late-night library sessions for work have ended because of random snippets causing riot and laughter.

    I have become quite a fan of your blog. ๐Ÿ™‚

  15. hey man, what you are saying simply everything about rediff and all. just you shut up first and then you say something. just bcos youre english is big big words then you can write and make fun history geography everything.
    in baba , super star rajni already say everything is maya, jsut magic trick. when our thalaivar rajni comes, then all you stupid golti buffoons and your bledy small b and his super small son b will all be nothng but equal to his foot dust. be careful!!

    1. Just cannot make my mind up regarding whether these comments are awesome attempts of sarcasm by KA readers or genuine Rediff commentators. If it is the former then bravo. If it is the latter then, never mind.

      1. The sincerest form of flattery is imitation, so I’m sure these are genuine attempts to get into the rediff comment style groove. See for example – I would respond to rajni_vaazhga in the following ways:

        Amit_luvsBigB says
        “Hey blackie madrasi, take your rajni and go jump in the bay of bengal. Your heroines are fat. Rajni has no body, no six pack and no real hair ha ha ha.”

        NTRRox says
        “You bloody aravasantas cant produce any local talent. Your MGR was from Kerala and Rajni is from Karnataka. First produce some talent and then speak”

  16. mark my words.. rediff, 4chan and youtube will save the world from itself, i tell you..

    when the machines become sentient and skynet starts taking over the world by gaining intelligence online, who else can you rely on to knock a few dozen IQ points off our would-be oppressors??

  17. My favorite comment of the recent times… quoted here

    ” I’ve had the same trouble with killing vampires. What to do? Stake them? Behead them? Stake and behead them? Garlic? Daylight? Holy water or crucifix? Do religious symbols work on their own or do I have to actually believe in them? Does the vampire have to believe in them? What if the vampire was Jewish or Hindu? The permutations seem endless. According to Bram Stoker, Dracula was killed with simultaneous knives to the throat and heart. But what if Stoker was just making it up? ”

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/belief/2009/jul/21/evolution-god-robert-wright?commentid=8e5f1bbb-e02c-4a9e-8d7d-391b07ae8b22

  18. Finally, another dude with rediff angst! Quick history lesson for the young ‘uns: Back in the old days, there used to be this columnist called Varsha Bhosle – a Hindutva firebrand who was pretty much the presiding deity of rediff. She was like a desi Ann Coulter. Highly articulate and extreme beyond your wildest dreams. What was more incredible was the wildly enthusiastic online following she enjoyed, especially among NRIs. Though rediff gave space to columnists from other parts of the political spectrum, Varsha’s articles easily defined the “editoral tone” of the site. She was in no small measure responsible for rediff’s popularity, and the current intellectual level of rediff comments is a logical outcome of that popularity.

  19. A real comment in rediff (MR.Eternal Glass Half Half Full and Brain Fully Empty types )
    Swine Flu may boost job market
    by Chiru P on Aug 21, 2009 05:42 PM | Hide replies

    Right now Job market is very bleak. But because of Swine Flu several professionals working in IT industry may get sick and many may breath their last. This may cause serious manpower losses which may trigger hiring requirements to fill the vacancies created from loss of life.
    This will indirectly boost Job Market. But HR should plan well in advance to tackle imminent mass manpower loss in IT Industry.

  20. Tell me you were the sort of kid, who rang doorbells and ran away!! so that I can do a ‘same pinch’!
    No. I preferred using Diwali hydrogen bombs to blow up people’s post boxes

  21. Dude , I do hate the rediff commenters (who doesn’t) but you cannot generalise India’s netizens on the basis of this website , the rediff commenters are just a bunch of a few thousand ignorant idiots who i hate , on the other hand , The comments on many other very popular places by Indians have been very wise infact one of the best , comments you would expect from people like apj abdul kalam, except some stupid websites . if you dont believe me , visit any website and you can see the truth for yourself !

  22. Pingback: maximun

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s