The Slacker’s Dilemma

There’s a scene from my all-time favourite TV show “The Wire” where one of the drug kingpin’s lieutenant grabs hold of a sheet of paper that one of his underlings seems to be writing on and asks incredulously – “Don’t tell me you are writing the minutes of a meeting to discuss criminal conspiracy!” and then proceeds to shred it to pieces. Well, the actual words used were a little more colourful, but you get the picture.

Ah, but the online world is distinctly unshreddable.

So if you are a slacker, a member of that noble breed of creative individuals who refuse to let the burden of something as trivial as work get in the way of focussed inactivity or alternative non-value-adding hobbies, you need to be aware of this

The fact that most managers dont use the web to cross check excuses comprehensively proves that all managers are n00bs

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  1. Pant Nagar becomes Veshti Nagar, LOL! Hilarious post indeed!

    Ashok: My current favourite hobby. Watching blog readers unearth hidden, vague and highly obscure references. 1 down, many more to go

    1. F.A.R.C.E
      7074L-8ull = TOTAL Bull
      The House TV series… and many others that are ‘hidden, vague and highly obscure references’ but still in your face LOL!
      Thank you.

  2. Highlight!!!

    This is so frikkin hilarious and I sincerely hope it ain’t circulated widely so that the SNOBS (Social Networking Oblivious Bosses) get to know of the means to track errant employees.

    proceeds to change username on blog/twitter/facebook/whathaveyou

  3. heh, getting harder to play hookie with the whole world capable of spying on you eh? πŸ™‚

    Just for argument’s sake, won’t your co-brother (your wife’s sister’s husband)’s wife be your sister-in-law (wife’s sister) and her bro-in-law (sister’s husband) be actually umm.. you? :p

    Ashok: πŸ™‚ You found out aah. You must be web-savvy πŸ˜‰

    1. WHAT??!!!!

      a. I just expired of shock. My ghost types to tell you that it is still on a Krish-Ashok-replied-to-me high.

      b. Is it the RRase clinic thing? Is that it? is that it???
      Ashok: Unfair. I always respond. Also, I copied your facebook Farmville status abt fertilizing your farm πŸ™‚

      1. HAH! (and let that sting.) This is my first response from you.
        And idhellam romba damage a theriyala? I have never said ‘Pour mud on me’. I am not a buffalo. Also, my Farmville spamming has reduced greatly. It only perks up with unfair allegations such as these.
        Ashok: Well, I did take some creative liberties

  4. Ha ha haaaaaaaaaahahahaaa! Loved it! ROFL! πŸ™‚ FARC-E? and a smudged STD code among other things!! What brilliant thinking! :-))) The best thing for me was this chap joining the group with two kidneys! LoLzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! We want more Sir!

    PS: Er, does RRASE stand for something in particular? Have I missed something?

    Ashok: Goody, more vague references unearthed πŸ™‚ RRASE Nursing home is actually a real place in Chennai. http://wikimapia.org/2160513/Rrase-nursing-home .It’s one of those Numerology poster boys. It used to be “Rasi Nursing Home” at some point in the sensible past

    1. aah…ok….gotcha. BTW, if the manager used Bing instead of Google…what would he type in, instead of “is ashok lying?” Ans: “Where did ashok go today?”

  5. Total Bull and FARCE stand out…but hello Saar..I feel you shouldn’t be doing such posts again….managers should never be enlightened of all these :- )….

    Ashok: Awesome, so finally someone gets the 70741-8u11 reference. As for managers, don’t worry about them. Reading blogs is not one of their daily habits. If someone slips this into a weekly status report, then perhaps we might have a problem

  6. amazing post..this is probably the best followup to the mail that went around about a boss catching his employee lying and catching him dressed like a joke in a halloween party on his facebook page!

  7. Aha, so this Amit-y goes back at least a couple decades!! This is begging for a Cyber-Golmaal. Time to create that clean-shaven-twin web persona 😐

    You had more fun planting those total-bull / farce / home rest “till further notice” gems than writing up this post itself, didn’tcha? πŸ™‚

    g

    Ashok: Ahem. So you discovered my hidden agenda. Yes, once I post, I sit around with a checklist and tick off items as commenters notice them. Once all of them are noted, I make an offering to the Sun god by burning aforementioned checklist. Then I snack on Bhakarwadi

  8. Gregory House being a nephrologist, likes the 2 Kidneys group .. hilarious.

    Ashok: As quizmasters (or hopeless addicts) like to stay – “Great crack!”. I did not expect anyone to pick the House nephrology reference. Connoisseur at Large, indeed πŸ™‚

  9. I guess the Twitter timeline should be in reverse chronological order but then, managers never read reports correctly. Also the vague resemblance to Hitler(the Hitler mustache, the tripping to the right hairstyle) is just a co-incidence and not the effect of too many Hitler-finds-out videos! πŸ˜€

    Brilliant stuff, I guess this will soon become a case study at some obscure management institute.

  10. lol.. most references found already or any left to dig for? phone number, amit arora, rahul.. all look suspicious, but can’t figure anything..
    πŸ™‚ Nope. Nothing in those. But, there’s the slacking of one’s professional duty to play um..Call of Duty.

    1. haha.. good one.. you should really make this a more regular feature in your blog.. those tiny references made a post that was otherwise, er how to say it, nothing but wind, the reverse. ahem, ur sick my saar

      ok terrible.. its the first time im attempting such stuff

    1. LOL. I swear, I thought because it was much easier to find a human with a heart back then. It’d now cost a lot more since you find one in every 753 humans. #feellikeadorknow #fail

      Occam’s razor is more complicated than they have you believe 😐

      Ashok: Now, if that was the reference I wanted to make, I would have stopped writing and started patting myself on my own back for the rest of my life. But unfortunately, the zero price was just a BOGOF type deal πŸ™‚

  11. Great Post!!!!!!!

    BUT!!!!

    Subtle iyengar bashings will not be tolerated!!!!
    What next???!! Hitler finds out Srirangam Temple Elephant ran way??

  12. brilliant!!! i like that killer look in the boss’s face.. hahaha

    while my boss leaves anonymous comments in my blog :-/
    a junior of mine smartly blocked me in gtalk !!!! πŸ˜€

  13. Absolutely Hilarious ! Brilliant portrayal of the plight of us ‘busy’ and hassled netizens πŸ™‚

    V.A.T – LoL ! Ya, with a hospital bill like that no doubt any patient would have been ‘shok’ed !!

    Been reading your blog for sometime, but my first comment here… very nice.

  14. boss.. great imagination.

    ‘naaney baadhikka patten…neradiyaaga baadhikka patten’ effectla irukku…

    in fact… these days young managers already use this tech to follow their subs…

    cheers

  15. Every time I think ‘This is it! This is the benchmark!’ you come out with a kicker KA. I dont wear a hat. But if you’re running past KNKR Nungambakkam I’d love to buy you some Kapi.

    Oh btw, last month’s Forbes India edition carried something on ‘How to get a business class upgrade’. For a moment I thought they’d unearthed your gem. Of course, was a sad led down.

    And next time you leave the subtleee clues, wait for a full 48 b4 you unleash the sabhasshes!

      1. sir.. we are ur shishyas… and sure we have evolved ourselves to adapt and manipulate the web 2.0. πŸ˜€

        u taught us the knack to handle this double (2.0) edged sword… *bows*

  16. Here’s something that everyone has missed…I think they’re called tool tips (Some s/w engg I turned out to be). But if you hover around the image (onmouseover?) you’ll see this…

    “The fact that most managers dont use the web to cross check excuses comprehensively proves that all managers are n00bs”

    Subliminal I say!

  17. Surely, this post makes me smile broadly. Having said that, the comments that stop short of deifying the writer and “oh, you found that out? how cool is that” responses are funnier.

  18. Brilliant. Creativity. Love the references.

    I tried to read two references. Let me know whether they are correct.

    1. Doctor name is Amit Arora. But signature starts with “N” πŸ˜›

    2. O’RLY –> This refers to the “complete reference” series by the famous author O’Rielly.

  19. Already Iyengar boss has put naamam πŸ™‚

    Doc’s degree = MD, FARCE was super.
    People with 2 kidneys – ha ha …. reading again and again to see hidden gems.
    as always, brilliant post, very very funny!

  20. Nice one. I noticed that the phone number is 8 digits, but the “2” at the beginning doesn’t seem to have been added later. The 11 STD code got changed to 44. But in 1989, Delhi numbers were surely only 7 digits πŸ™‚

  21. And btw, I did this exact stunt in 5th std, when I used to wear slippers to class for 1 whole month, but had a letter from my father dated a month earlier (justifying said slipper because of some small foot injury). When the PT Master asked for the letter, I changed the date (in 2 places, DUMB!!!!) and gave it to him. He figured it out (for a PT Master, he was smart, I suppose), and insulted me in front of the entire class πŸ˜€

  22. LOL … tonsils removed thro nasal cavity ….. a DIY kidney donation and VAT slapped on it too …. and your boss needs to google ….. oh whatta n00b :)) laughing like mad as usual πŸ™‚

  23. Wow. I like to think I have a fine sense of humour and I have to say your blog is some funny stuff dawg. I just came across it 2 weeks ago and I have read every one of your posts. You are like the Jug Suraiya of the net or even better. Keep rocking

    Ashok: Thanks man πŸ™‚

  24. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    “People with two kidneys” was awesomeness!!

    Came here after a long time.. Short but supreme post, in your style!

    But underneath all the humour, I think you are making a really profound statement. Not sure if that was intended, but did really make me think a lot. (And that happens very rarely :P)

    The thing is it shows how we have succumbed to our voyeuristic tendencies, with the advent of Web 2.0 (damn, reads like a thesis title! Anyway, glad people will land here now on after Googling for “Chennai Voyeur” or “Jalsa Voyeur” or “Vo-Iyer” :P)

  25. Krish !! Sooper post !! esp the “^ 2” date change πŸ˜€ Hilarious ! Guess wut, i think i saw u at Citicentre recently ? But wasn’t sure it was u, so didn’t come talk.. Now wishing i had πŸ™‚

  26. Nice piece on Cricinfo and more interesting was the footnote that mentioned “Krish Ashok” and “humourist” in the same sentence. Didn’t realize the transition but the post certainly didn’t make the two look incongruous. Took a while to connect all the dots but a pleasant surprise to locate you this way.

    Ashok: Ashirwad ji, good to connect after all these years πŸ™‚

  27. Man u r hilarious…waise bosses have to be really blind not to see that obvious forging….wish i lived in that era..sigh!!!

    But no worries….my boss is a born original one fo a kind dumb on earth…he ll never find out that…

    *Gosh! hope he does find out this*

  28. hey just read your article on cricinfo about how you did not become the next kapil dev…:D the article has awesomeness written all over it…nice one! πŸ˜€

    Ashok: Thank you man πŸ™‚

  29. hehehe.. very funny .. and infact thats true.. this face book is crazy.. deactivated it for sometime. but had to come back as everyone almost stopped using orkut 😦

  30. Did bosses of yore really used to say ” Go home at once so that perumal can heal you”?
    Old people had it easy, the darned geezers

  31. EPIC AWESOME!!!

    Don’t the references start right at the top? Ode to Pirate’s Dilemma. And RRASE clinic charges for UNits!!!! Numeromumbojumbology madness!

    indha kalathula thillu mullu seyyaradhu remba kashtam!

    I’m yet to see such incisive and witty social commentary! <>

    Ashok: Tanks maams

  32. ROTFL!

    I actually had to work out the co-brother’s wife’s brother-in-law’s relation to you. You couldn’t have given your kidney to a needier dude, btw.

  33. Freaking ly good…. Guess the assumption of the fact is that Boss is Techsavy and has time to search really about you !!! ..

    Reality sucks mate… Most Bosses arent so!!!

  34. Krish,

    I was given the URL of your website by a dear TamBram buddy a few days back… this was one of the first blogs that I read in the site… S-W-E-E-T!!! Amazin stuff… and thanks to you my work’s come to a standstill. I’ve been reading every single blog post after that (currently am at Oct ’08 – Veni Vedi Macchi), and having been scrambling to finish my work!
    The worst part is bursting out laughing in the middle of the day coz I work on a very quiet floor with just my boss n a coupla other teammates, its hard to justify why something in a Java IDE (which is the screen open on my monitor 2) suddenly seems so hilarious.

    Tremendous writing my friend, keep it goin!!!

  35. Re your earlier comment
    ” Ahem. So you discovered my hidden agenda. Yes, once I post, I sit around with a checklist and tick off items as commenters notice them. Once all of them are noted, I make an offering to the Sun god by burning aforementioned checklist. Then I snack on Bhakarwadi” ,
    I thought u would find this interesting –
    Article by Bachi Karkaria

    Likewise u can have a competition in every post where u indicate in advance, the no. of items that the readers have to spot… & then u have a prize for the reader who can spot all of them :-).
    & as in the last para of the above article, u can add 1 item more than what there really is & then watch the fun as your readers try their best to spot that non existent joke while u bow to the Sun god & chew on Bhakarwadi , chuckling evilly all the while LOL .

    1. Sorry the article does not seem to be available so I will copy/paste it here FYI.
      Sorry for occupying so much of your space πŸ™‚

      http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/erratica/entry/punctuated-with-laughs
      Punctuated with laughs
      Bachi Karkaria, 12 January 2010, 08:00 PM IST

      Laugh or you might be replaced by an icon. Or, more precisely, by an emoticon. Or, even more precisely, by a smiley :-).

      This generic term covers a multitude of synergies. These can be summoned with the help of varying punctuation marks. A really happy one has two closed brackets instead of just one, like this :- )).

      The same emoticon also denotes someone with a double chin, and if you want to show them quivering with laughter perhaps you could replace the ordinary bracket with a curly one, like this: -}}

      Your friendly search engine will come up with all the possible permutations, and then some. But, today, I would like to present another use for this versatile icon. My proposal is prompted by something that’s not at all funny. In fact, it is the eternal bogey of all self-styled humour writers. It starts as a nagging doubt and, before you can say β€˜Evil Empire’ it has ballooned into a primordial fear. The end-of-our -world question is: β€œIs anyone out there laughing?” Or smiling? Or — cringe –even as much as twitching their lips?

      You write a funny line, and then you throw it into the vast dark void. Is it greeted with a resounding roar of awe and appreciation? Or does it sink without even a little gurgle of recognition. We bravely bask in the former presumption knowing full well that the latter is the more correct assumption.

      So, should the grin-and-tonic brigade be perennially condemned to an illusory euphoria? Its labour, like the Marxist view of capitalism, carries within itself the seeds of its own destruction. The moving cornea reads, and having read, moves on without the teeniest indication of eye-grin coordination. People continue to react to a piece of general hilarity as if it were a physics chapter on specific gravity.

      So, should we just wring our helpless hands or resolutely take matters into them? Is there a way to throw a lifeline to the humourously challenged reader, and, in the process, save ourselves?

      Yes there is. If television sitcoms can fill your drawing room with more canned laughs than there are baked beans in a tin, why shouldn’t the reader of humour get a similar prompt? Why not coopt the little yellow fellow, and insert a smiley after every clever play on ideas or words? With the help of this visual bell, the reader will deliver the Pavlovian response, and life will again be β€˜all ha-ha, he-he’.

      But, it could be quite crude — to say nothing of distracting – to be confronted by a weekly column which looks like a condomless galaxy of πŸ™‚ s. It might also be insulting to suggest that readers are as so wit-less that they cannot recognise a joke even if it plonks itself on their lap, and offers them a pun-a colada.

      So, instead, how about something a little more sophisticated such as lining up the requisite number of smileys at the bottom of the piece, like this :-):-):-):-):-)? It may look like a star rating, but that’s not the purpose. The idea is to put as many smileys as there are chuckle-points in the piece, and let the reader see how many s/he can spot — and smile, grin, guffaw or roll in the aisles over.

      The ploy has an added advantage. Print has been congenitally disadvantaged vis a vis the electronic media in an age when e-nabled audiences refuse to be passive consumers of news, but demand to be active participants. The smiley line-up can propitiate that deity called interactivity. You could even slip in an extra little smiley and have them hooked for hours as, refusing to admit defeat and humour-deficiency, they keep re-re-re-reading the article to catch the elusive joke.

  36. Amazing blog you’ve got here. Should be blocked in my office because it makes me forget about work :-)Are you an IT geek or what? You certainly dont sound like one. Keep up the entertainment..

  37. Came here through an email that I got from a frnd. I am sure u already know that your post is doing the rounds thru emails. Gr8 job. Respect.

  38. have been visiting this place for quite sometime now. everytime i come here, i take away an easy and different take on life. may the glacier of endless jalsa and jilpa never dry up!

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