Th3 G1t4

There’s a reason why certain cultural artifacts stay relevant across the ages. The beauty of the language and the powerful symbolism of the poetry give every generation the ability to derive  contemporarily relevant messages. Insightful commentators have managed to do this with the Gita over millennia. I am not one those insightful commentators. But that is not going to stop me from providing internet-era relevant commentary on some of the most well-known verses.

If this post makes you angry, hurts your religious sentiments or causes you to wake up with a skin infection the next day morning, please read this.

dhyaayato vishayaanh pumsah sangasteshhupajaayate |

sangaath samjaayate kaamah kaamaath krodho abhijaayate ||

When a person dwells longingly on sense objects like stuff on ebay, or a sale at Koblerr, an inclination towards them is generated. You don’t need to make in-game purchases in Angry Birds to finish that game. That is cheating. Only I am allowed to do that. That’s why gamers call it God mode. You don’t really need that antique oak-finished bedside coffee table because you can carefully balance your bed coffee on the bed itself. It’s a form of yoga. But people don’t do it. This inclination develops into desire and desire gives rise to anger.

krodhaadbhavati sammohah sammohaatsmritivibhramah |

smritibhramshaadbuddhinaasho buddhinaashaatpranashyati ||

From anger comes delusion; from delusion, confused memory; from confused memory the ruin of reason; from ruin of reason, man finally perishes. When you read a blogpost or tweet that makes you angry, just hold your horses. Think for a bit. Just because someone is wrong on the internet, you do not have to correct them, unless they use poor grammar. That is absolutely inexcusable. It’s “your anger”, not “you’re anger” because the latter applies only to God because only He can say “I am Anger, brighter than a thousand suns, tanning your face into the kind of dark shade of brown that Indians dislike in their brides and force them to use Fair & Lovely for” and that sort of thing.

uddharedaatmanaatmaanam naatmaanamavasaadayeth |

aatmaiva hyaatmano bandhuraatmaiva ripuraatmanah ||

Let a man raise himself by his own efforts. Let him not degrade himself.Don’t plagiarize. Don’t copy entire college projects from the internet. Don’t copy others blogposts and post them on your blog. Don’t copy entire blogposts and post them on Facebook. Don’t copy previously copied Facebook stuff and send them over email. Because a person’s best friend on Facebook can become his worst enemy because of this kind of spamming. If you ask someone to share a photoshopped photo of Tejo Mahalaya with the message “Share if you are a proud Indian”, it does not bring pride to India. It drives users away from Facebook to Google+

karmanyevaadhikaaraste maa phaleshu kadaachana |

maa karmaphalaheturbhuu maatesangotsvakarmani ||

A person has the right towards action alone and not towards the fruit of action. Don’t crave for Twitter followers and RTs, Facebook likes and shares. Self express on the internet because you derive joy from the creative process. Let not the fruit of action be the motive for acting. Don’t be fooled by TV ads that tell you that mangoes are the fruit of action. That is not true. In real life, Katrina Kaif probably does not like having mango pulp poured all over her. Also, Let there not be any attachment to inaction. And don’t send large attachments via email.

vaasaamsi jiirnaani yathaa vihaaya, navaani grihnaati naro aparaani |

tathaa shariiraani vihaaya jiirnaanyanyaani samyaati navaani dehii ||

Just as a person casts off worn out garments and puts on others that are new, even so, the embodied soul casts off worn out bodies and takes on others that are new.That is why people frequently change profile pictures on Facebook and Twitter. If you have skin blemishes, one of those “worn out” Instagram filters will help you refresh your soul.

yato yato nishcharati manashcha.nchalamasthiramh |

tatastato niyamyaitadaatmanyeva vasham nayeth ||

By whatever cause the mind, which is restless and fidgeting, wanders away, the yogi should bring it back from that and concentrate only on the Self. When having discussions with a girl on Twitter, there is no need to parallelly check her profile picture in full screen mode. Discuss as you would with any other human being. Let not her gender cause restlessness and fidgeting. And do not google for “Shilpa Shetty hot yoga” as a solution.

divi suuryasahasrasya bhavedyugapadutthitaa |

yadi bhaah sadrishii saa syaad hbhaasastasya mahaatmanah ||

Even If the radiance of a thousand Suns, bursts forth all at once in the heavens, it would still hardly approach the splendor of the mighty Lord, who will never give you up, never let you down because he is no stranger to love as he runs around deserting all manner of young Yadava pulchritude.