Psychologists rarely make sense.
But then, not making sense is very much the key to their professional survival. Take Messrs. Myers and Briggs for instance, who even have a foundation in their name dedicated to confusing simple Chennai boys like me with 16 psychological type indicators.
Further, does it require 16 psychological type indicators to accurately describe Chennai boys? No. It doesn’t.
Warning: The rest of this post is rather Chennai/Tamil-centric. Apologies. Astute, multilingual readers are invited to appropriately translate for regional suitability. This could be used as a reference.
I think it only requires 6 variables/indices (values ranging from 1 to 5) to accurate describe every boy in Tamil Nadu. With some careful translation, this can apply easily to most South Indians with XY chromosomes. Thus I present to you,
The Peter Meter
Rousu Index – measures a guy’s creative troublemaking abilities. An indicator of right-brained-ness and creativity. Guys who think differently and frequently peeve those who wish to do things in traditional ways tend to have high RI ratings. An R1 (Rouse-level 1) guy buys greeting cards from Archies. An R4 hand-draws his own greeting card. An R5 composes songs for his girlfriend and sets them as his phone’s dialer tone.
Lollu Index – measures a guy’s level of fussiness and unnecessary attention to detail. An L1 might not notice that his wife has got herself a boy-hair-cut while an L5 might dictate what colour of saree, chemical/elemental composition of jewellery and bindi-style/pattern his wife must adopt every day.
Mokkai Index – measures a guy’s quality of humour. An M1 might find Bollywood movies funny and be described by his friends as a complete “Blaydu”, while an M5 still continues to find new, hidden jokes in MMKR every time he watches it.
Gnaanappazham Index – is directly proportional to the size (in Gigabytes) of a guy’s memory, especially when it comes to hoarding generally useless facts specifically useful in exams. A G4 or G5 could also be described as a “Padips”
Scene Index – is a measure of a guy’s showoff tendencies, his proclivities for showing jilpa. Also a direct measure of the distance (in light years) between the Talk and the Walk.
Jollu Index – is a measure of the volume and velocity of testosterone in one’s bloodstream. Also measured by the weight in groundnuts used per girl per day. A J1 probably believes that the storks deliver the goods, while a J5 probably indulges in occasional eve-teasing.
Some examples of how this could be used in ever simpler ways. One can just pick up the 2 or 3 of one’s most important indices to very briefly describe one’s profile. For instance, I am an RS-L (High Rousu, High Scene, Low Lollu). Vivek’s characters would be RMS (High Rousu, High Mokkai and High Scene). SJ Suryaah, would be, rather coincidentally, SJ (High Scene, High Jollu).
1) am I missing any psychological dimensions, my erudite readers?
2) What is your profile?
Note: I am afraid this classification will work only for those with at least one Y chromosome. But the ladies are welcome to peer review this from the other side of the gender fence. And one of you could, perhaps, attempt a Mary-Meter to go with this Peter-Meter.