The Peter Meter

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Psychologists rarely make sense.

But then, not making sense is very much the key to their professional survival. Take Messrs. Myers and Briggs for instance, who even have a foundation in their name dedicated to confusing simple Chennai boys like me with 16 psychological type indicators.


Source: Wikipedia

And do they provide us any shortcuts and mnemonics? Like The ENTJ fox jumped over the ISTP dog perhaps? No.

Further, does it require 16 psychological type indicators to accurately describe Chennai boys? No. It doesn’t.

Warning: The rest of this post is rather Chennai/Tamil-centric. Apologies. Astute, multilingual readers are invited to appropriately translate for regional suitability. This could be used as a reference.

I think it only requires 6 variables/indices (values ranging from 1 to 5) to accurate describe every boy in Tamil Nadu. With some careful translation, this can apply easily to most South Indians with XY chromosomes. Thus I present to you,

The Peter Meter
rousu.jpg Rousu Index – measures a guy’s creative troublemaking abilities. An indicator of right-brained-ness and creativity. Guys who think differently and frequently peeve those who wish to do things in traditional ways tend to have high RI ratings. An R1 (Rouse-level 1) guy buys greeting cards from Archies. An R4 hand-draws his own greeting card. An R5 composes songs for his girlfriend and sets them as his phone’s dialer tone.

lollu1.jpg Lollu Index – measures a guy’s level of fussiness and unnecessary attention to detail. An L1 might not notice that his wife has got herself a boy-hair-cut while an L5 might dictate what colour of saree, chemical/elemental composition of jewellery and bindi-style/pattern his wife must adopt every day.

blade.jpg Mokkai Index – measures a guy’s quality of humour. An M1 might find Bollywood movies funny and be described by his friends as a complete “Blaydu”, while an M5 still continues to find new, hidden jokes in MMKR every time he watches it.

mango.jpg Gnaanappazham Index – is directly proportional to the size (in Gigabytes) of a guy’s memory, especially when it comes to hoarding generally useless facts specifically useful in exams. A G4 or G5 could also be described as a “Padips”

scene.jpg Scene Index – is a measure of a guy’s showoff tendencies, his proclivities for showing jilpa. Also a direct measure of the distance (in light years) between the Talk and the Walk.

jollu.jpg Jollu Index – is a measure of the volume and velocity of testosterone in one’s bloodstream. Also measured by the weight in groundnuts used per girl per day. A J1 probably believes that the storks deliver the goods, while a J5 probably indulges in occasional eve-teasing.

Some examples of how this could be used in ever simpler ways. One can just pick up the 2 or 3 of one’s most important indices to very briefly describe one’s profile. For instance, I am an RS-L (High Rousu, High Scene, Low Lollu). Vivek’s characters would be RMS (High Rousu, High Mokkai and High Scene). SJ Suryaah, would be, rather coincidentally, SJ (High Scene, High Jollu).


1) am I missing any psychological dimensions, my erudite readers?

2) What is your profile?

Note: I am afraid this classification will work only for those with at least one Y chromosome. But the ladies are welcome to peer review this from the other side of the gender fence. And one of you could, perhaps, attempt a Mary-Meter to go with this Peter-Meter.

25 responses to “The Peter Meter”

  1. foo Avatar

    Firstly, your proposed system is more complicated than the MBTI, having 6 factors compared to the MBTI’s 4. Further, MBTI asserts a dichotomy along each axis, resulting in 2^4 = 16 types (which you’ve shown above from Wikipedia), while your system has 5^6 = 15625 types, since you describe each axis (index) as being on a scale of 1-5. Of course, if you just go for a high/low dichotomy on each axis, you still end up with 2^6 = 64 types.

    Consequently, I conclude that my peter index is high.

  2. Galadriel Avatar

    LoL Krish Ashok!
    Also, one doubt: Does having a high index on one axis normalize low indices on any others, thereby maintaining equilibrium?

  3. Thoppai Mama Avatar

    For a long time I thought I was a unique, one-of-a-kind misfit, combining as I did a professional education that dealt in exactitudes with interests embedded in the artistic, impractical and unremunerative. My work responsibilities included numerate analyses which I forced myself to be good at, while in my personal life I veered so far in the opposite direction that I even outsourced my simple tax returns.

    And then the powers that be shanghaied me into a MBTI two-day event. This was of huge help as it proved that I was not an ‘adhisaya piravi’ but an average Jagannathan after all!

    These days, post MBTI, I still slice and dice with Pivot Tables and MS Access dumps by day. But I am comfortable enough in my skin to not shy away from the goal seek function while creating the family budget!

    All Thanks to MBTI!

  4. amrutha Avatar

    lol…Tell me something…are you THAT jobless?? Anyway, this was reallllly fun to read…and very very accurate I must say. I would apply for the IgNobel Prizes if I were you…

  5. farkandfunk Avatar

    KA my brotha!

    Have been on a long lay-off, but I’m back now!

    Excellent post. Here area few more suggestions:

    1. “Tensan (tension) Party ” index – propensity of a guy to get into or cause situations of tension most of the time – giving him a constantly constipated look and behaviour.

    2. “Galeej Index” – measure of a person’s galeej-ness or “local”ness behind the mask of sophistication

    3. “Kadalai Index” — tendency of the person to put kadalai with the opposite sex!

  6. Kicha Avatar

    Sorry to be so ignorant (I’ve been out of Chennai for far too long) – but what is MMKR, and does “Lollu” stand for the sound of a barking dog? Nandri in advance.

  7. maami Avatar

    KA:Nekku indha MBTI, L, gumbutu (Aaru ?Umberto Eco’s brather-a? ) teriyadhu. Bt I sure know the…ta da…
    Mary Index:

    Super Figure Mary: Whatay figure boyz! 36-24-36 as Thengai Srinivasan would say. Wears tees two sizes small, poured into jeans; can be spotted at the malls shopping for lingerie and licking ice creams by the beach. Says she can eat what she wants but nothing sticks on her slim hips. She will speak only in Queen’s tongue before the boyz… but at home it’s , “Sridhar, yen chemistry book-a thaada paithiyam” to bro.

    The Tamil Tease: She has many of the qualities of the SFMary, but alas, has massive inhibitions inside. Is intellignet, looks smart and hence can flirt ingeniously, but will back off when the poor chappie advances. Chi poda, got the wrong idea. Sleeps with the idea of saving it for the right guy. Can be spotted both at college culturals and at the Tidel Park.

    Ai chi paavam pa:She is just that. Sad, tailored salwar kameezes, with dupatta pleated to a knife’s edge fold, swinging on shoulder, well oiled hair, always walks rubbing shoulder with another ACPP. At work, she is so mousy she gets trampled by bossy colleagues and as a student even her teachers find her nice and er, lifeless.

    Smart Pants:Actually she wears no pants. is plesant plum. Saris for special occasions and Ritu’s sks. Hubby earns a pound, visits beauty parlour ( Only Kanya or Lakme please) regularly to fight wrinkles, drives and is member of local cluband turns her nose down on NRI Tamils saying, “Who can wash all those dishes, and do housework”. Holidays frequently on miles advantages with hubby.

    As for maamis, I draw the line. She’s nobody on the wanna-babe-meter bidus.

  8. rambodoc Avatar

    As far as the Peter Meter is concerned, I did write a blog post on this last month. Could give the link if anyone wants.
    Basically, this is a phallacy in thinking that Peter’s size can be measured according to his shoes. No, not at all. Shoe size may correlate with mouth size in the Foot-n-Mouth disease, but that’s where we draw the lace, I mean line.
    As far as actual measurement is concerned, one could scientifically open issue with those who measure themselves, because they are too generous and hopeful.
    I think, since this is long on techniqueal and madical issues for a comment, I will withdraw. Safe interval ke baad milte hain!

  9. krishashok Avatar

    //are you THAT jobless?
    No 🙂
    In the past, people used to do small things for love and large things for money. But it’s slowly changing to the opposite – large, passionate things (music, writing, drawing shady looking portraits of wife and disturbing neighborhood cats) for love, and small things (like work) for money.
    That said, if you read through this blog, you will realize that it’s not a careful, deliberate and well-thought out effort. I don’t spend more than 30 mins a day on creating a post. If it involves imagery, it takes longer – perhaps an hour. Music might take an entire day, usually a weekend.

    Good additions. “Kadalai” index is covered by jollu index.

  10. amrutha Avatar

    Ashok, (or is it Krish? Remember reading somewhere on your blog that your name was Ashok) honestly, your blog is great fun to read… Keep up the work…
    Ashok: Thank you

  11. Krishnan N S Avatar

    Krish Anna….Neenga inga irukka vendiyavare illa. MIT layo Sloan layo Organizational behavior pathi research panna vendiyavar.

    I don’t know my 16pf profile, but I am LMJ-G.

  12. krishashok Avatar

    MMKR – Michael Madana KamaRajan
    and lollu does come from the sound of barking dogs.

  13. maxdavinci Avatar

    @ maami the SFM and tamil tease were just superrrr, could place a lot of ppl i knw in those buckets….

  14. jillumadrasi Avatar

    ammam nee krishaa, ashoka?

    Unna eppadi address paananum?
    Ashok: Very simple really. My last name, which is written first, is “Krish”. My first name, which is written last is “Ashok”. And I don’t have problems being called either way.

  15. maami Avatar

    I got a bit stumped too. I use KA-wokay-a?
    Ashok. The following are all ok.

  16. agraharathil kazuthai Avatar
    agraharathil kazuthai

    Ashok : poonal clad first-bench sitting-first-rank getting- padipps type. too sophisticated to run a jilpa blog

    krish : rithik monkey roshan njaapakam thaan varathu .. so not okkey

    KA : solRathukuLLE per mudinjiduthu. too kutti

    A-Shock : enna kaNRavi ithu? sounds like a first generation video game

    something like thulukkaNam, mArkEsu, namsu, giri, gaja, meylapore kapali..kishten…

    kishten okkey?

  17. kausikram Avatar

    I bow to thee… i am RS-M
    the M is because i worship MMKR 🙂

  18. farkandfunk Avatar

    KA, Krish, Ashok is meylapore kapali (nice addition agraharathil!) is all good – but they pale into comparison with the names from the Disco Dancer movie . Soooper.

  19. Thoppai Mama Avatar

    Pesh-e-khidmat hai is mehfil-e-aalam mein thalaivarukku naan iyatriya vaazhtthu madal…

    Naam aapke ho Shok ya Ashok
    Aapke lekhan mein hain bahut joke
    Num society-in vidhi Murai-haLai paNNuve poke
    Sometimes solla thoNum-‘Poda Poramboke’
    Other times -‘evLo buddhi irukku noak’
    Yet other times-‘Is he on coke?’
    Or inhaled generously of a big fat toke?
    Oru vasai paNNinaen splutter and choke
    Ivan veettukku munnaal PaNNalaama rasta roak?’
    But I realise the nature of a good writer is to kindle (kindal?) and provoke.
    So here’s wishing you the strength of an oak
    And for you to write till you croak!

  20. krishashok Avatar

    What shall I say..
    Thank you Thoppai Mama. Your and other readers’ comments on this blog contain more wisdom and humour than anything I will ever write.

  21. Karthik Avatar

    Great post, great comments…really had fun reading . But I am wondering how no one spotted that 1 to 5 is just 5 variables/indices and not 6. (or was that intentional ?)

    quote – 6 variables/indices (values ranging from 1 to 5) – unquote
    Ashok: Each variable/index takes on 5 values from 1 to 5. There are 6 variables/indices in all.

  22. Lavanya Mohan Avatar

    chancey-illa, i think u can also include kadala index -> beach-la couples laam enna range-la gilma panranga.
    a P1 would probably be sitting alone staring into the sea whereas a P5 would be doing full-on matter with his aalu.
    first time here, am a fan now….thalaivaaaa!!

  23. […] supply problem, and yet you make it so easy by being, what Maami brilliantly categorizes as an ACPP (Ae Chi Paavam Pa). Every IT manager dreams about team members who are complete push overs. And most of you IT girls […]

  24. Ravages Avatar

    I’m a G5, R3, M5 (MMKR. W00t!) and S4. No saving me.

  25. pavi Avatar

    u forgot about chauvinist index, the political views index, the mommy-huggy index, hero fan-club index meter etc. 🙂

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