The Chennai Intellectual Dadabudality Questionnaire

At the Gates of the Chennai Intellectual High Falutin Peter Parties  Club.

Sir. I need to ask you a few questions before I let you enter.

What do you mean? I am an intellectual. For God’s sake man, I’m wearing a khadi kurta and sporting a Hugo Boss perfume. I even sport a beard. Can’t you see?

Yes sir, but I need to determine your intellectual dadabudality score for admission purposes.

Ok. Go ahead.

Please fill this questionnaire

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Choose one, and only one choice for each question.

1. Free Market economics is

  • a) Saravana Stores – It’s so cheap that it’s almost “free” I say
  • b) Good – It’s the only system that has been successful. Socialism has always played the Gottu Vaadhyam and written arrears every year
  • c) Evil – It’s an imbalanced, post-colonial system where rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer, and Rajini makes money by just saying that dialogue
  • d) None of the above

2. I dislike The Hindu because

  • a) There are no photos of item girls right above the front-page news item on the tragedy in Darfur.
  • b) It did not declare Narendra Modi to be the 11th avatar (Parson Ki Avatar) of Vishnu
  • c) It is a dull, elitist paper and the crossword is too easy to solve.
  • d) Naan of the above

3. Mainstream News Channels on TV suck because

  • a) They sensationalize everything and play footage of gore, vandalism, Jodha Akbar and Raj Thackeray ad infinitum
  • b) They did not declare Narendra Modi the 11th avatar (Parson Ki Avatar) of Vishnu
  • c) If I wanted to watch theatrics and drama, I would wear a Khadi kurta and Hugo Boss perfume and watch a play in the Music Academy
  • d) None of the above

4. Special Economic Zones are

  • a) are places where SEZone papdi is made? At low cost?
  • b) good because they encourage free enterprise and unleash a wave of positive capitalism that spells RICHNESS and make India shine like Photoshop->Blending Options->Add Outer Glow.
  • c) A devious form of economic colonialism not very different from the “trading rights” given to the East India company in the 1700s.
  • d) Nun of the above

5. Bollywood cinema is

  • a) Intolerable Indipadams, but their heroines are so fair, ya
  • b) Financed by the Dubai and Karachi mafia, and dominated by people with the surname “Khan”. If Narendra Modi was PM, this would never happen.
  • c) Sad symbols of the crass materialism that has crept into our society (said while sipping on imported, organic Kiwifruit juice) . It is post-colonial, I say.
  • d) None of the above

6. My favourite Kurtas come from

  • a) Rasi Silks
  • b) Fabindia and Kalpadruma
  • c) Lifestyle
  • d) Noon of the above

7. My favourite sarees come from

  • a) Bright, vibrant silks from Pothys
  • b) MS Blue from Nalli and Kumaran
  • c) Dull, dreary, pastel-shaded designer silks and high-society cotton from Hayagrivas, Sundari Silks and Family Saree Supplier from Kanchipuram who brings his wares home
  • d) None of the above

8. Software Engineers are

  • a) making life difficult for all of us by causing land and commodity prices to hit the roof, break it and move into the stratosphere.
  • b) The reason why India (well, the part that matters anyway, hehe) is shining.
  • c) A reaffirming sign that 60 years after independence, India still has a order-taking, slave mentality. Software engineers add no value to society and culture. They do nothing remotely creative and create no intellectual property. India’s software boom is a post-colonial, post-modern condition.
  • d) Nine of the above

9. Indian Education is

  • a) Capitation fees
  • b) still not teaching our children the glories of the Hindu civilization
  • c) Post-colonial and Post-modern and therefore inneffective
  • d) None of the above

10. India is still beset with poverty because

  • a) Corrupt politicians rule us, ya
  • b) Narendra Modi has not been declared PM-for-life
  • c) Poverty is a post-modern, post-colonial condition
  • d) Nun of the above

11. Soaps are

  • a) Radaan productions
  • b) Made from animal fat and therefore non-vegetarian, even if I don’t eat them. I will not use animal products unless they are cow’s milk or tiger’s skin
  • c) a sad reminder of the post-colonial and post-modern condition of Indian society
  • d) None of the above

12. I am so cultured that

  • a) I throw garbage only within 2 metres of the garbage bin
  • b) I buy a season ticket for the December Carnatic season every year
  • c) I grew up in a petri-dish
  • d) Naan of the above

 

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Scoring key

5 points for a, 10 points for b, 15 points for c, 0 points for d

0-30 – Escape Ekambaram

35-75 – Normal

80-145 – Modi Visiri Kazhagam member

>150 – Indian Intellectual Peter Party