The Chennai Intellectual Dadabudality Questionnaire

At the Gates of the Chennai Intellectual High Falutin Peter Parties  Club.

Sir. I need to ask you a few questions before I let you enter.

What do you mean? I am an intellectual. For God’s sake man, I’m wearing a khadi kurta and sporting a Hugo Boss perfume. I even sport a beard. Can’t you see?

Yes sir, but I need to determine your intellectual dadabudality score for admission purposes.

Ok. Go ahead.

Please fill this questionnaire

chennaiintellectuality1

Choose one, and only one choice for each question.

1. Free Market economics is

  • a) Saravana Stores – It’s so cheap that it’s almost “free” I say
  • b) Good – It’s the only system that has been successful. Socialism has always played the Gottu Vaadhyam and written arrears every year
  • c) Evil – It’s an imbalanced, post-colonial system where rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer, and Rajini makes money by just saying that dialogue
  • d) None of the above

2. I dislike The Hindu because

  • a) There are no photos of item girls right above the front-page news item on the tragedy in Darfur.
  • b) It did not declare Narendra Modi to be the 11th avatar (Parson Ki Avatar) of Vishnu
  • c) It is a dull, elitist paper and the crossword is too easy to solve.
  • d) Naan of the above

3. Mainstream News Channels on TV suck because

  • a) They sensationalize everything and play footage of gore, vandalism, Jodha Akbar and Raj Thackeray ad infinitum
  • b) They did not declare Narendra Modi the 11th avatar (Parson Ki Avatar) of Vishnu
  • c) If I wanted to watch theatrics and drama, I would wear a Khadi kurta and Hugo Boss perfume and watch a play in the Music Academy
  • d) None of the above

4. Special Economic Zones are

  • a) are places where SEZone papdi is made? At low cost?
  • b) good because they encourage free enterprise and unleash a wave of positive capitalism that spells RICHNESS and make India shine like Photoshop->Blending Options->Add Outer Glow.
  • c) A devious form of economic colonialism not very different from the “trading rights” given to the East India company in the 1700s.
  • d) Nun of the above

5. Bollywood cinema is

  • a) Intolerable Indipadams, but their heroines are so fair, ya
  • b) Financed by the Dubai and Karachi mafia, and dominated by people with the surname “Khan”. If Narendra Modi was PM, this would never happen.
  • c) Sad symbols of the crass materialism that has crept into our society (said while sipping on imported, organic Kiwifruit juice) . It is post-colonial, I say.
  • d) None of the above

6. My favourite Kurtas come from

  • a) Rasi Silks
  • b) Fabindia and Kalpadruma
  • c) Lifestyle
  • d) Noon of the above

7. My favourite sarees come from

  • a) Bright, vibrant silks from Pothys
  • b) MS Blue from Nalli and Kumaran
  • c) Dull, dreary, pastel-shaded designer silks and high-society cotton from Hayagrivas, Sundari Silks and Family Saree Supplier from Kanchipuram who brings his wares home
  • d) None of the above

8. Software Engineers are

  • a) making life difficult for all of us by causing land and commodity prices to hit the roof, break it and move into the stratosphere.
  • b) The reason why India (well, the part that matters anyway, hehe) is shining.
  • c) A reaffirming sign that 60 years after independence, India still has a order-taking, slave mentality. Software engineers add no value to society and culture. They do nothing remotely creative and create no intellectual property. India’s software boom is a post-colonial, post-modern condition.
  • d) Nine of the above

9. Indian Education is

  • a) Capitation fees
  • b) still not teaching our children the glories of the Hindu civilization
  • c) Post-colonial and Post-modern and therefore inneffective
  • d) None of the above

10. India is still beset with poverty because

  • a) Corrupt politicians rule us, ya
  • b) Narendra Modi has not been declared PM-for-life
  • c) Poverty is a post-modern, post-colonial condition
  • d) Nun of the above

11. Soaps are

  • a) Radaan productions
  • b) Made from animal fat and therefore non-vegetarian, even if I don’t eat them. I will not use animal products unless they are cow’s milk or tiger’s skin
  • c) a sad reminder of the post-colonial and post-modern condition of Indian society
  • d) None of the above

12. I am so cultured that

  • a) I throw garbage only within 2 metres of the garbage bin
  • b) I buy a season ticket for the December Carnatic season every year
  • c) I grew up in a petri-dish
  • d) Naan of the above

 

chennaiintellectuality2

Scoring key

5 points for a, 10 points for b, 15 points for c, 0 points for d

0-30 – Escape Ekambaram

35-75 – Normal

80-145 – Modi Visiri Kazhagam member

>150 – Indian Intellectual Peter Party

24 Comments

Leave a Comment

  1. *****
    You still haven’t added the Rating Star Widget. So I had to make do with this.
    “I’m so cultured that I grew up in a petridish” ought to become a classic quote.
    Ashok: WordPress.com hosted blogs don’t have the rating widget yet

  2. Am so relieved! Scored 70, and fitted into “normal”.
    Now I can sleep easy.
    PS Its the first test on which I’ve turned out “normal” – I dont what that means for your test, though.

  3. Damn it…scored a 10…..no doubt I am not even in Chennai…Had to be in Bangalore.

    ***** post-modern, post-colonial condition

    Seems like an eternal condition. Great post.

  4. Sulk. Sulk.
    There are some ground rules for making MCQs you know. And you flouted all of them! Which is why I flunked the test. Miserably.

    There’s soon going to be a serious shortage of adjectives to sing praises of your stuff!! 🙂

  5. You forgot the screamingly bright and eye shattering colors + patterns (and high pitched squealing in the ad jingle) of RMKV..

    Did they hire nithyashree for the jingle? I hardly ever watch tamil tv so I try hard to forget..

    ________
    7. My favourite sarees come from

    [cut]

  6. The Hugo Boss (probably gifted by a son/daughter/somebody from the ‘States’, cotton kurtas (preferably unstarched for that cool-worn-in look),the unkempt hair and beard is also accompanied by the erstwhile ‘jolna-paiy’ (with Om motifs on it, maybe)

    We call them the BeeGees,ie, the Bhajana Goshtis..hehe…

  7. well well well..
    ya did grt there!
    but ya cud’ve dun betta!
    Ya cudve given us another choice..
    E) all of teh above /
    e) ball (s) of teh above
    e) daal of the above
    e)maal of teh above
    E) gall of teh above
    e) kaal (half) of teh above
    e)paal (milk) of the above

    i wud have scored above 200, n i cud have fallen in the catgory- ‘bootlicker ching chaan party’
    wat can a reader say- i was spoiled for choices!

    who uses hamam except for arasi watchers???
    well, ahem nobody else, cos everyboby else loves arasi! (arasi=raymond)
    (i use hamam at tims, shy**, my poor gulf return camay hates hamam!)

    sez’s are (where social activists like medha patkar and parties like All India Trinamool Congress earn their bread, butter n milk..)

    Special mention: where the SMALL TATA CAR got its first publicity
    (i get 10 extra points for adding to the available choices)
    on 310 now 😉

    Ma fav kurtaz come from shopperz stop!
    trust me thy get ya the ram deal! n a lott aram silk kutis!
    (awryte tehy’re 4 ya wife maybee)

    i’m sooo cultured tat
    I never miss sarang
    (+10)
    (320)

    Free market economics( is where buyers n sellers mututally reach a consensus on price..)
    is PONDI BAZAAR
    ( where i get to do the best haggling..
    he says 250
    i wan it fror 100
    i say 50..
    then he says chal 100..
    see we reach a consensus,..)

    (+10)
    (330)

    haaa..
    for today, indha commentu podhuma,
    innu konjam venuma??

    jj
    Ma fav sarees cme from
    cute silkworms!
    (+10)

  8. well well well..
    ya did grt there!
    but ya cud’ve dun betta!
    Ya cudve given us another choice..
    E) all of teh above /
    e) ball (s) of teh above
    e) daal of the above
    e)maal of teh above
    E) gall of teh above
    e) kaal (half) of teh above
    e)paal (milk) of the above

    i wud have scored 300, n i cud have fallen in the above choice e)catgory- ‘bootlicker ching chaan party’
    wat can a reader say- i was spoiled for choices!

    who uses hamam except for arasi watchers???
    well, ahem nobody else, cos everyboby else loves arasi! (arasi=raymond)
    (i use hamam at tims, shy**, my poor gulf return camay hates hamam!)

    sez’s are (where social activists like medha patkar and parties like All India Trinamool Congress earn their bread, butter n milk..)

    Special mention: where the SMALL TATA CAR got its first publicity
    (i get 10 extra points for adding to the available choices)
    on 310 now 😉

    Ma fav kurtaz come from shopperz stop!
    trust me thy get ya the rawdeal! n a lotta raw silk kutis!
    (awryte tehy’re 4 ya wife maybee)

    i’m sooo cultured tat
    I never miss sarang
    (+10)
    (320)

    Free market economics( is where buyers n sellers mututally reach a consensus on price..)
    is PONDI BAZAAR
    ( where i get to do the best haggling..
    he says 250
    i wan it fror 100
    i say 50..
    then he says chal 100..
    see we reach a consensus,..)

    (+10)
    (330)

    Ma fav sarees cme from
    cute silkworms!
    (+10)
    haaa..
    for today, indha commentu podhuma,
    innu konjam venuma??

    jj

  9. Simply the best post I’ve read ! Chancey Illa, I laughed out loud reading several part of this post in office. Thanks for the real good post. Do write more…

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