At the Gates of the Chennai Intellectual High Falutin Peter Parties Club.
Sir. I need to ask you a few questions before I let you enter.
What do you mean? I am an intellectual. For God’s sake man, I’m wearing a khadi kurta and sporting a Hugo Boss perfume. I even sport a beard. Can’t you see?
Yes sir, but I need to determine your intellectual dadabudality score for admission purposes.
Ok. Go ahead.
Please fill this questionnaire
Choose one, and only one choice for each question.
1. Free Market economics is
- a) Saravana Stores – It’s so cheap that it’s almost “free” I say
- b) Good – It’s the only system that has been successful. Socialism has always played the Gottu Vaadhyam and written arrears every year
- c) Evil – It’s an imbalanced, post-colonial system where rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer, and Rajini makes money by just saying that dialogue
- d) None of the above
2. I dislike The Hindu because
- a) There are no photos of item girls right above the front-page news item on the tragedy in Darfur.
- b) It did not declare Narendra Modi to be the 11th avatar (Parson Ki Avatar) of Vishnu
- c) It is a dull, elitist paper and the crossword is too easy to solve.
- d) Naan of the above
3. Mainstream News Channels on TV suck because
- a) They sensationalize everything and play footage of gore, vandalism, Jodha Akbar and Raj Thackeray ad infinitum
- b) They did not declare Narendra Modi the 11th avatar (Parson Ki Avatar) of Vishnu
- c) If I wanted to watch theatrics and drama, I would wear a Khadi kurta and Hugo Boss perfume and watch a play in the Music Academy
- d) None of the above
4. Special Economic Zones are
- a) are places where SEZone papdi is made? At low cost?
- b) good because they encourage free enterprise and unleash a wave of positive capitalism that spells RICHNESS and make India shine like Photoshop->Blending Options->Add Outer Glow.
- c) A devious form of economic colonialism not very different from the “trading rights” given to the East India company in the 1700s.
- d) Nun of the above
5. Bollywood cinema is
- a) Intolerable Indipadams, but their heroines are so fair, ya
- b) Financed by the Dubai and Karachi mafia, and dominated by people with the surname “Khan”. If Narendra Modi was PM, this would never happen.
- c) Sad symbols of the crass materialism that has crept into our society (said while sipping on imported, organic Kiwifruit juice) . It is post-colonial, I say.
- d) None of the above
6. My favourite Kurtas come from
- a) Rasi Silks
- b) Fabindia and Kalpadruma
- c) Lifestyle
- d) Noon of the above
7. My favourite sarees come from
- a) Bright, vibrant silks from Pothys
- b) MS Blue from Nalli and Kumaran
- c) Dull, dreary, pastel-shaded designer silks and high-society cotton from Hayagrivas, Sundari Silks and Family Saree Supplier from Kanchipuram who brings his wares home
- d) None of the above
8. Software Engineers are
- a) making life difficult for all of us by causing land and commodity prices to hit the roof, break it and move into the stratosphere.
- b) The reason why India (well, the part that matters anyway, hehe) is shining.
- c) A reaffirming sign that 60 years after independence, India still has a order-taking, slave mentality. Software engineers add no value to society and culture. They do nothing remotely creative and create no intellectual property. India’s software boom is a post-colonial, post-modern condition.
- d) Nine of the above
9. Indian Education is
- a) Capitation fees
- b) still not teaching our children the glories of the Hindu civilization
- c) Post-colonial and Post-modern and therefore inneffective
- d) None of the above
10. India is still beset with poverty because
- a) Corrupt politicians rule us, ya
- b) Narendra Modi has not been declared PM-for-life
- c) Poverty is a post-modern, post-colonial condition
- d) Nun of the above
11. Soaps are
- a) Radaan productions
- b) Made from animal fat and therefore non-vegetarian, even if I don’t eat them. I will not use animal products unless they are cow’s milk or tiger’s skin
- c) a sad reminder of the post-colonial and post-modern condition of Indian society
- d) None of the above
12. I am so cultured that
- a) I throw garbage only within 2 metres of the garbage bin
- b) I buy a season ticket for the December Carnatic season every year
- c) I grew up in a petri-dish
- d) Naan of the above
Scoring key
5 points for a, 10 points for b, 15 points for c, 0 points for d
0-30 – Escape Ekambaram
35-75 – Normal
80-145 – Modi Visiri Kazhagam member
>150 – Indian Intellectual Peter Party
Doing Jalsa & Showing Jilpa 
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